Since this community has already established that privacy is justified

What does this have to do with privacy?

we need our SSDs to store all our morally rationalized but illicitly obtained copies of content we enjoy

Oh hell no! Spinning HDDs are way cheaper per TB! Absolutely no reason to build a library on SSDs.

we’ll have to be modern-day Robin Hoods and shoplift these SSDs, because fuck corporate greed.

I think you missed an important part of the Robin Hood story.