I’m in a men’s group where we act as that for each other, and the married ones’ wives love it because they don’t have to be the sole support system for their husbands any more.
Men are so closed off it’s horrible. I do sales and have so many customers and I can just see the loneliness in their eyes, their mannerisms. They continually consider their own needs and feelings to be rounding errors, like I was doing before this group.
I didn’t realize how deeply my sense of self had been crippled by our culture. I’ve never been in a more warm and supportive place than that group.
As a woman, I really feel bad for men in our society, especially straight men. They get very little positive interaction at all. I like to compliment strangers; it usually makes my day when somebody says, “I like your hair,” or whatever, and I like to spread the joy. But I have to be cautious about giving compliments to men. A lot of them look at me weirdly if I say, “nice tie,” or “snazzy shirt.” I smile, say it, then move on so they don’t feel obligated to respond. It appears most of them aren’t used to it and don’t know how to handle it. I guess other men don’t compliment them (maybe for fear of being thought gay?) and women don’t, either (for fear of encouraging stalking or harassing behavior). It makes me sad to think of all the lonely people who get no affirmation from anybody. I’m old enough now that my days of being constantly sexually harassed are over, so I feel safe offering a few nice words.
Gay men, OTOH, totally know how to give and take a compliment.
I’m in a men’s group where we act as that for each other, and the married ones’ wives love it because they don’t have to be the sole support system for their husbands any more.
Men are so closed off it’s horrible. I do sales and have so many customers and I can just see the loneliness in their eyes, their mannerisms. They continually consider their own needs and feelings to be rounding errors, like I was doing before this group.
I didn’t realize how deeply my sense of self had been crippled by our culture. I’ve never been in a more warm and supportive place than that group.
As a woman, I really feel bad for men in our society, especially straight men. They get very little positive interaction at all. I like to compliment strangers; it usually makes my day when somebody says, “I like your hair,” or whatever, and I like to spread the joy. But I have to be cautious about giving compliments to men. A lot of them look at me weirdly if I say, “nice tie,” or “snazzy shirt.” I smile, say it, then move on so they don’t feel obligated to respond. It appears most of them aren’t used to it and don’t know how to handle it. I guess other men don’t compliment them (maybe for fear of being thought gay?) and women don’t, either (for fear of encouraging stalking or harassing behavior). It makes me sad to think of all the lonely people who get no affirmation from anybody. I’m old enough now that my days of being constantly sexually harassed are over, so I feel safe offering a few nice words.
Gay men, OTOH, totally know how to give and take a compliment.