I’m someone who craves (and thrives) on intimacy and closeness. I’m never been afraid to be vulnerable (I’d actually had to learn that I shouldn’t be vulnerable with everyone). I love it when someone is really passionate about something, even if that thing bores me to tears. I love hearing about peoples’ hopes, fears, dreams, opinions…
But I often feel like people hold me at arm’s length. Like they say, “OP, I like you, you’re interesting, but stay right there.”
And it doesn’t seem like it’s a matter of following the “relationship journey” either. It seems like eventually I hit a wall of someone not wanting me to come any closer. And it hurts.
Being neuroatypical I do realize I have an intense personality so people may not know how to interact with me. That may be part of it.
Anyone else experience this? How do you cope?
some people do not thrive on intimacy and closeness. for some people, maintaining more than one or two deeply emotional relationships requires more energy than they can commit.
it sounds to me like you have a habit of running headlong into other people’s boundaries without really considering their perspective. it may leave you feeling shut out, but it takes a lot of energy for people to set and enforce those boundaries and you’ll be happier if you learn to respect them.
Yes OP, try to wait for the other person to make the steps first. Don’t rush closeness, take it easy.
This is how I operate. I have ADHD and CPTSD, I already have a hard time being a good friend to my two close friends. There are several people I like enough that I think we could be good friends, and they’ve tried getting closer to me, but I know I won’t be able to be there for them. It feels best for us both that I just keep it casual until I feel that I have room in my life (which may never happen unfortunately).
True, though part of me rushing in is that I’m trying to understand their perspective. I do try to respect boundaries, but I’m not a mind-reader. I guess most people can kind of read boundaries. For me, I need to be told.