Sorry for your loss. So from what I understand, he was a good person, supported you and gave you practical knowledge.
Follow up question- were there any times where you felt unsafe in his company? Where you felt afraid that he might hurt you (not necessarily physically, but in other ways that would change your life for the worse)?
When you were around him, did you trust him to do the right thing in regards to your life? Could you be yourself around him, without worrying that you might offend him in some way or the other?
I think I’m repeating the same thing again and again - did you feel comfortable with him having control over your life (when you were a kid ofc, not an adult)? Were you not scared that he would hurt you? What did that trust feel like? Did you feel safe?
Except for one instance of uncharacteristic anger that he took out on a wall, I never felt uncomfortable around him. He immediately apologized and never did anything like that again.
I wouldn’t say I ever really felt unsafe or afraid he might hurt me though. I think he was extremely self aware of how his actions made us feel. He expressed regret that his father was not supportive of him and worked very hard to make sure I was not raised that way. He was not psychologically hurtful, distant, or mean-spirited in any way. He was completely supportive of my opinions and beliefs.
I felt supported, encouraged, safe, and secure when in his company.
I have experienced the other side as well. I lived with my wife’s family for some time under the constant threat of physical and psychological abuse from her stepfather. I never felt safe in his company and it has made a lasting traumatic impact on myself, my wife, and her family.
I really wish that my wife could have met him. I feel that if she could experience what it could be like to have a good dad some of the trauma might be alleviated. I know it can never truly rewrite what has happened, but there are good fathers that care and support their children. I’m truly sorry you (and others) have not experienced what can only described as the blessing of having a good father. I feel extremely lucky to have had him as long as I did and wish for others to have similar experiences. I hope this answers your questions and that you can find a way through the generational trauma.
Sorry for your loss. So from what I understand, he was a good person, supported you and gave you practical knowledge.
Follow up question- were there any times where you felt unsafe in his company? Where you felt afraid that he might hurt you (not necessarily physically, but in other ways that would change your life for the worse)?
When you were around him, did you trust him to do the right thing in regards to your life? Could you be yourself around him, without worrying that you might offend him in some way or the other?
I think I’m repeating the same thing again and again - did you feel comfortable with him having control over your life (when you were a kid ofc, not an adult)? Were you not scared that he would hurt you? What did that trust feel like? Did you feel safe?
Except for one instance of uncharacteristic anger that he took out on a wall, I never felt uncomfortable around him. He immediately apologized and never did anything like that again.
I wouldn’t say I ever really felt unsafe or afraid he might hurt me though. I think he was extremely self aware of how his actions made us feel. He expressed regret that his father was not supportive of him and worked very hard to make sure I was not raised that way. He was not psychologically hurtful, distant, or mean-spirited in any way. He was completely supportive of my opinions and beliefs.
I felt supported, encouraged, safe, and secure when in his company.
I have experienced the other side as well. I lived with my wife’s family for some time under the constant threat of physical and psychological abuse from her stepfather. I never felt safe in his company and it has made a lasting traumatic impact on myself, my wife, and her family.
I really wish that my wife could have met him. I feel that if she could experience what it could be like to have a good dad some of the trauma might be alleviated. I know it can never truly rewrite what has happened, but there are good fathers that care and support their children. I’m truly sorry you (and others) have not experienced what can only described as the blessing of having a good father. I feel extremely lucky to have had him as long as I did and wish for others to have similar experiences. I hope this answers your questions and that you can find a way through the generational trauma.