Fun fact, this is why I got laid so much in Mexico. I took so much straight dong on that trip I should have gotten frequent fliers miles

I’ve mentioned it on here before, I think. It’s one of my favorite stories. The look on his face was absolutely horrific and hilarious. I asked him several times afterwards how his pregnant sinuses were. He did not find it as funny as I did.

But not from Tennessee.

🎶I got a brand new pair of roller skates you got skint you knees, let’s get to together and touch together our peepees🎶

I love telling this story, but I’ll warn beforehand it’s explicit.

! so, one time I was getting a blow job from this dude who was sort of newly out as bi curious. So, he asked if he could suck me off because he’d never done it before. Anyway, when I came, he didn’t pull off and decided he was going to swallow, and since he was still really new and nervous, I thought it would be hilarious if I said “no homo” when I came.

Unfortunately, he also thought that was hilarious, and laughed while swallowing. Ever seen milk come out of a kids nose in the cafeteria? That. But with spunk !<

Can I know what that religion is?

I can’t find a source right now, because I just woke up and I don’t want to, so (Trust Me Bro, et al, 2024) but there’s a chance that quote is actually about Nazis!

A lot of French people referred to them as “the others” and would often speak sort of semi-codedly about them in writing and such so as not to piss off their new overlords. So that line may well not have been “I’m such an introvert that being around other humans is like being in hell” but instead “hell has delivered itself to my doorstep in the form of goose-stepping bastards”

I once had a conversation with a cashier in TN that started with a newspaper by check out saying something about remembrance day in England. I explained it’s basically like their version of Memorial Day. It ended with me having to explain what Europe is. A super abridged synopsis:

Me: It’s basically their version of Memorial Day.

Her: why do they need a different version?

Me: they’re a different country, different laws.

Her: it’s not really a different country if you can drive to it

Me:… What

Her: I mean, it’s basically just the same country

Me: you cannot drive to England.

Her: you can’t?

Me: it’s an island.

Her: I thought it was Europe?

Me: you also cannot drive to Europe.

I then had to explain what Europe was, how England is Europe in the same way Puerto Rico is North America. I shouldn’t have included that. Or tried to explain armistice day. It was a very long conversation that ended up going outside during her smoke break.

She was the second grown adult I had to explain Europe to. Tennessee has failed it’s children, y’all. I’m not being funny, and contrary to OP’s premise, I don’t really judge them for this. I judge the state and the school system. It’s bad.

If someone is cleaning a floor and I have to walk over it, they’re getting several sorrys and at least 2 thank yous, while I do that shrink my body to the side and putting my palms out towards them like a peasant not trying to be whipped by a landed gentry.

I’ve mopped professionally. It sucks.

I thought so! When I saw this my first thought was “wait, isn’t that the one I used to use several years ago?”

Yeah, it is. Ended up not being compatible on a new phone is why I switched, I think…forgot about it after.

Me. I would love to be a third shift librarian.

Honestly one of my favorite jokes. I love the stupid horse into a bar format, the misdirect that it’s going to be a deep philosophical joke, and the reveal reveal of a dad level pun.

I actually just used this a couple weeks ago in a discussion post for college.

When you say export, is there a tool for that for, like, mass exporting your subs? Or do I have to manually search each one and sub again?

I ask because I’ve been meaning to switch to my alt, but I made a point of subbing to as many communities as possible to make Lemmy more fun to use for me, and good lord, it’s a lot to do.

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Any suggestions on a different instance to move to? Preferably something smaller. I switched from world to this one because of outages during the Rexxit or whatever the hell it was called.

Oh this is just fucking fantastic

They’re tired and would like to take a nap. Do the right thing and make them a sandwich. Getting milked is exhausting, especially if it’s a power play thing with post milking overstim.

Exactly! Not having that emergency call is like not wearing a seatbelt. It’s not a problem, until it very much so is. I’ve made that mistake, and while nothing tragic happened because of it, it almost did. Never again.

My mom has always used a call for puppies that I don’t know how to type, so I made a YouTube short. Haha.

The first one is the call my mom uses with all her dogs, the second one is my augmented version. I wanted a call the dogs knew that if they heard it, they knew 100% there were no repercussions. No scolding, or having to go get in their bed. Only good things. I’ve had dogs in the past that, if they thought they might get in trouble, would run, and these fellers are so little and fragile, that scares the crap out of me. So, they got the augmented call, which is just the regular call, but to the nickelodeon theme tune.

The last one is the noise we make when it’s time to go outside to poop. It’s the poop call. If they hear it, they’re supposed to go poop.

I started using Linux in 2008. A friend of mine on an old forum showed me wubi and helped me get set up. When he went AWOL and stopped posting, I went on some Ubuntu forum and asked for help with a problem I was having (WiFi had stopped working randomly). Those people tore me apart and spit on my bloodied corpse. It was brutal. Apparently, I was a disgusting moron for using wubi instead of replacing windows (on my netbook with no disc drive) entirely. It was insane. I’ve since discovered that I’d just found a particularly toxic group by chance, and that most of the community is actually very kind. But at the time, it was genuinely hurtful. I not only stopped asking for help for a long time, I stopped learning about Linux and computers in general because I felt like it was something I’d never understand, I was clearly too stupid to get it.