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10 months agoIf you knew my adult child you’d know I did just fine. Not perfect, but more than sufficient.
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Joined 10 months ago
Cake day: November 15th, 2023
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My kid knows all these things but also knows if they fuck up they will have to own it and if they break the law we’re not going to make it go away for them. We will support them to the end of the world but that doesn’t mean they get out of trouble with no consequences. All this “be their friend” and “be the cool parent” BS just leads to kids who refuse to take responsibility for their misdeeds and give up at the first sign of resistance.
There’s every reason to believe that. Perhaps not true in tiny minority of cases, but in western culture, in general, this is considered responsible parenting/adulting.
OP is free to make the decision they think is right. I am free to suggest an alternative course. You are free to point out the corner case that may apply.
Stop being her friend and be an adult. Give the vape pen to her mom and explain the circumstances and let mom decide what, if anything, to do. At 14 she has no business vaping and you might just save her long term lung damage.
You don’t need to actually turn “off” the Apple TV(ATV), just the Panasonic Viera. Doubly so if the ATV-Viera connection is over an ARC HDMI link.
What about this from Leviton? Just happened to see it because I’m always crossing up Lutron and Leviton.
Not advocating being a “narc”.
I’m advocating not telling the kid you will keep it a secret from the parents (one of which is your sibling) in the first place. I’m advocating being chill about it. Take the vape away but don’t get hysterical about it. Give the vape and the info to the people who are responsible to make the decisions for their minor child. State only once your position. (e.g. no vaping or breaking the law on my watch and consequences are x). What if she was your neighbor’s child? Would you take the same approach? Is it right to not take the same approach? All questions you must answer for yourself to match your morals and ethical code.
Lots of hard decisions here and we don’t have the benefit of knowing why they were made.
https://www.vapingcricket.com/legal-age-to-vape/
Said kid decides to do it in your home possibly subjecting you to aiding/abetting or contributing to delinquency of minor charges if it ever gets to law enforcement.
You choose to withhold this information from law enforcement. I might as well but means vape provider goes unpunished. (Compounds your risk if this goes sideways later. Still, handle it in the family if you can. It’s a “victimless” crime.)
You choose to withhold this information from the parents of the child. You are deciding your judgement is superior to theirs. Perhaps you have your reasons, but you are cutting them out and this may go poorly for all if it comes out later. (“But mom/dad! Uncle OP just let me off with losing the vape last time! I hate you!” Ooooops)
You have chosen to seize the illicit property from the child and dispose of it yourself. So kid learns that you will allow them to get away with things relatively unscathed and tell no one.
Effectively no punishment/repercussions so hopefully kid needs little guidance to get back “on the right path”. Again, deciding your judgement is superior to her parents.
I would handle this differently, but I’m not there so just trying to share my opinion and maybe sway others to a better decision in future as OP’s has already been made and would be very unpleasant to undo now.