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Joined 3 years ago
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Cake day: June 29th, 2023

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  • Yeah, it’s a physically and emotionally brutal recovery process. I’m grateful I did it, but I also don’t really think you can be fully prepared for it. And if your daughter has an opiate allergy be aware that makes it harder. Idk if I’ve ever been in more physical pain than the first week. You’re exhausted, in pain, may have been off your hormones for a month and your junk looks like a wreck and doesn’t work and you’re terrified of if it’s going to heal right. And much like how fully healing is long and slow, so is getting through the difficult part.

    And yeah I get where you’re coming from and assume you’re pushing to help her become more functional if possible. And while I understand your fears and worries relating to your involvement, it’s good that the doctors won’t talk to you directly.

    Idk about Montreal, but in the US I needed three letters of recommendation to get insurance to pay for surgery (surgeons need 1-3 depending): an endocrinologist/primary care physician saying I’ve been on hormones for at least a year, a psychiatric professional saying that I was fit to make the decision, and a therapist (I think it had to be one I hadn’t seen before) to say that I’d seriously thought it through and understood what it entailed. That’s about as thorough as it can and should be.

    But in general by making sure she’s talked to people who’ve been through it and with a therapist that says she’s prepared for it, it should be something she can handle. If the surgeon is wrong for her there are others though it’ll be harder. It’s a difficult balance of speed, quality, and availability and yeah it’s better for her to figure out her path and what mental work she’ll need to do sooner rather than towards the end of a waitlist


  • Yeah, I’d recommend looking into the surgeon’s reputation, (and have her look at their work). I actually was fortunate enough to see my surgeon’s work in person beforehand, which was helpful, but absolutely not necessary.

    Over on reddit there’s a trans_surgeries subreddit that I used to get realistic expectations and my ex used to read it to figure out how best to support me. I can’t however give it a full throated recommendation as it’s absolutely where dysphoria goes to become dysmorphia. My ex would get frustrated with how many people over there passed perfectly for cis and would insist they need more FFS or something.

    In general though, if your daughter is able IRL trans community is great, especially with people further along in transition. And talking to people irl and online who have been through the procedures she wants (ideally at various stages) is great.