Despite its name, so-called kidney disease is rarely caused by an overabundance of kidneys

So not only has he quite literally decimated their readerbase but he’s also made every other newspaper run the story that they were going to endorse Harris anyway, instead of likely just limiting that information to the handful of Washington Post subscribers that cared enough to check. Great quash, Jeff, you really shut that one down.

And if, heaven forbid, it’s not either of those, it is now apparently acceptable to refer to it as a “clap back.” In the newspaper of all places.

“hey chakotay - mine is bigger”

“Oh, sorry, man - first door on the left is the bathroom, first door on the right is the Nether hub. I always get those backwards…”

That’s either Hayao Miyazaki or Japanese Colonel Sanders, it can be hard to tell the difference sometimes

It’s Denis Villeneuve but I’ll be damned if that isn’t the least Denis Villeneuve-lookin’ picture of Denis Villeneuve I’ve ever seen

Might’ve even scuffed up the rocks, jerk.

I was under the impression it got a big hero moment in one of the new Jurassic World movies fighting some even scarier double-dog-T-rex but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna take the time outta my day to watch the movies and find out.

You mean the one that staged an escape during a widespread power grid failure, leaving countless innocents to die while it disappeared to lavish in its tropical island paradise? Only to return, inexplicably, in the sequel, pretending all of a sudden to be the hero?

Nah, that doesn’t sound like him at all!

Yeah but those don’t usually go unsolved for 150 years and it seems very unlikely that any of the British historians involved in this project would be able to make enough meaningful changes to the American sociopolitical landscape to offer any help on that subject.

Ted Cruz can be more than one thing. Don’t pigeonhole Ted Cruz.

What, just now?

The following is a tremendously disproportionate analogy given that we’re talking about a microblogging website, but I really don’t think there’s any better term for it:

It’s really less like you’re calling Twitter by its deadname and more like you’re refusing to call it by its slave name. Twitter didn’t come up with this on its own, some guy just rolled up and said “I’m changing your name because yours isn’t cool enough.” Like, fukken Kunta Kinte.

Again, very unfortunate that that’s the only comparison that comes to mind but I’m really blanking on anything else. Jean Valjean, I guess. Maybe Darth Vader. Locutus of Borg.

honestly even just saying “shaped” is a bit of a stretch

It would be very out-of-character for him to just now try to distance himself from the morally reprehensible, so I’m going to assume he simply forgot the man existed the moment he left his field of view.

this is the weirdest political compass I’ve ever seen

Maaan, all I got was some stupid spatulas.

Once had an order arrive on-time, but the tracking information never got updated and kept telling me the package was “running late” and pushing back the expected delivery date, and then after like a week of that they just said “sorry, it’s been delayed indefinitely” and gave me a refund. For an order I’d already received. And I mean, I wasn’t gonna be the one to tell 'em they were wrong.

I still got my fingers crossed for a Young Indiana Jones Chronciles/How I Met Your Mother-style framing device where it’s Billy Dee Williams and horse girl cruising the galaxy in the Falcon, with the whole flashback to young Glover Lando as some old fisherman’s tale he’s telling that’s clearly being embellished in his favor