Parents who gift and praise their kids for “trying hard” and getting “2nd,” “3rd,” or even when they lose still reward them because they tried their best—I’ve seen parents whose kids struggle in school, get Bs and Cs, and are rewarded because they “tried” hard. No, a “B” is not an A; a C is not an A. If you got a B, then you have failed. If you’re participating in a competition and you don’t get 1st place, then you are a loser. What do you call someone who loses? A loser. Your kids should be rewarded when they win, when they get all As, when they get first place, etc.—when they are winners, not losers.
You’re taking a very strong stance on a position, of which more nuanced versions aren’t wrong.
Universal “Participation Trophies” are a bad idea, true.
Celebrating “failure” is also a bad idea.
But failure isn’t always what you think it is. 2nd place isn’t failure.
And winning isn’t always success. Sometimes participation is success. And sometimes winning is the bare minimum.
Truth is, when teaching kids, effort is what needs to be rewarded.
For some kids in some cases, winning takes no real effort. That shouldn’t be celebrated either. If they win for just showing up and get a trophy, when things get difficult they’ll give up, since they’re used to things being easy. But if a kid fails, while genuinely putting a lot of effort into something, that effort needs to be rewarded. By rewarding effort while ignoring success or failure, you teach perseverance.
A person can’t control winning or losing. They can only control how much effort they put in. So reward effort.