Mfw I turn on the selfie camera.

This is how it feels to chew 5 Gum

The spider in the corner when they see you destroying their home

I can haz cheezeburger?

Spider Mench

Who? Me?

“in that mere fraction of a second, regret set in as Rolf realized the zipper had snagged his beans”

Hello skinny hooman

You found what on my web history?!

“Hey bro, your alarm went of like, 4 times already. You’re gonna be late for work.”

DO YOU HAVE GAMES ON YOUR PHONE!?

Hey my guy, I know you were just cracking a joke about teeth hair… but I just want you to know that your joke was insensitive and it really hurt my feelings.

I have a condition and hair on my teeth is not something I can control, okay? So can we stop with the teeth hair jokes?

Teeth hair.

WE’VE BEEN TRYING TO REACH YOU ABOUT YOUR CAR’S EXTENDED WARRANTY

Hey! Do you want to make an app? I have an idea for an app.