No such thing as objective here. Your premise is flawed.

What letter of the alphabet their name starts with

How good they are. Absolutely nothing else.

No bullshit platitudes, no “clutch gene”, no “legacy” bullshit, just how good are you at making sure your team’s number on the scoreboard is higher than the other team’s.

Wins

I don’t really watch games so highlights

Attractiveness

Your survey is weird. No one will ever have BOX ± as the number one Value for ranking an NBA player. Why don’t you take the NBA’s Top 75 players, apply your survey characteristics to all and find the common trends? Some data won’t be available for older players where those metrics were not kept, but you can glean trends.

on-off splits for team and teammates… ok maybe im a little biased as a steven adams fan and weight that too much. But if someone makes their teammates shoot 10% better then thats a huge impact and should mean more than x number of points

I rank them by who I would pick if I needed to win a game. There is no objective way to rank players.

First you order the players based on how much you like them, then you figure out what criteria is needed to make those rankings work. That’s how these discussions go.

Funny nicknames… If Pooh Richardson and Bad-Porn Maggette aren’t at the top of your rankings, you gotta do’em over.

Number 1. How does the player affect LeBron’s legacy? Number 2. Is the player LeBron? Number 3. The Sniff Test….

Ranking players, huh? That’s a tough one. I usually just go by who’s hot in the moment and ignore all that fancy analytics stuff.

Personally I’m a big fan of the eye test and I really only watch my own teams, so then I use that limited knowledge gained by watching opposing players twice a year to ultimately making my rankings. Anthony Edwards is the best player in the NBA.

Any bullshit stat or narrative that I can pick out of my ass to support my fave player like everyone else.