Ive known this guy since like 7th grade and what he has shown in the past few months after graduating college is just ridiculous. Especially after today. He was texting asking if I had flower on me (weed). I was put off because he can clearly pay for it and has been asking me constantly, and his recent work ethic has been showing. I like sharing my green but only with people who I think deserve it. He was sick as well and I told him that I don’t have any (which is true Ive been sober and have no weed). He then said to come over, I said no. He then told me that he should hang out with me because this is his last day before he goes to Buffalo to party for 2 whole weeks. That’s when I lost it and didn’t respond back cuz idk what to even say at this point.
A few weeks ago, we were talking to each other about our life goals and I asked him if he wants to have wealth someday. He said yes, which I understood based on his big goals. I then asked him if he works towards this goal, and he says every day. It was hard for me to believe this because last night he was up till like 4pm playing spiderman 2. This was on a tuesday which is why it raised my eyebrow. He also called in sick for work, this was his third day working there. He told me this at 5:30pm after he had woken up. Lol. He does this quite a lot.
Now about his laziness with actual jobs. He had some good paying job offers after he graduated last spring. He didn’t want go with it because that means he has to be in his same college town for another year (we went to different colleges). I told him to take the opportunity because you need to stick to one job for your gap year before grad school because thats what the big grad schools look for. Gap years are NOT a vacation. He said okay but didn’t accept the job. Every reputable employer, even a university, will ask you what you did during your gap year. It was his choice so I don’t think Its fair for me to be mad about this job. However…
He then tried applying for other jobs and got into a sales position. With sales jobs, the base pay sucks but the commissions is what pays off. Most sales jobs are like that. Its like a waiter with tips, same concept. He was selling a valuable product but quit once he saw everyone else quitting. He had no clue that the company just successful eliminated all the people with no hope or work ethic. He enabled his sheep mentally. Dude has so much potential and lessons to gain with this job but just threw it into a pile of rabid racoon shit infected with the coronavirus.
After quitting this he got a job at a clothing store. Didn’t even work full time, only part time. Like 24 hours a week. He was going to be in a higher position than normal too. He then quit again.
The following week, He then applied to another clothing store in the same mall and did the same thing again after a week.
He is a business major and knows literally nothing about business (so am I). Im still in my senior year.
The reason why I made this post is because Ive tried helping him but now its just ridiculous. He doesn’t stick to his words. I can’t imagine quitting a job and then going on a vacation for 2 whole weeks. I can’t imagine getting into 3 jobs then quitting in less than 3 months. Your 20s are your foundation, you should be putting in the work every day and staying disciplined. Too many people are comfortable with comfort. I like relaxing, but only if I deserve it.
Im spending all day tomorrow applying to jobs. Not even to make money, I do financially well with my stock trading. I just need to be where high-net-worth individuals hang out for networking opportunities. I also know I need to get myself out there because Im too introverted. So like country clubs and private member clubs. Its been hard so far but this weekend should be better. Im also mad that my friend here is getting job offers but not me with more basic jobs.
Anything I can give or show him for a reality check? It just sucks because Ive known him forever. Can people like this be fixed? I know I used to be like this 2-3 years ago, and constructive criticism from friends helped me change. But with this guy… Ive already given him the criticism.
TD;LR: Longtime friend has been really lazy and its not getting too much. Truly lazy ppl can often disappoint.
i ’ m not trying to put a spin on this one.
- focus on you. like the oxygen mask in airplanes, help yourself first.
- some ppl can’t be helped, don’t want help - you not their dad and you cant make them change. you’ve made your point, now its up to them to take action
- dont look at their success or opportunities - sure they may ‘have it easy’ and not be grabbing opportunities you might wish you have had, but, at the end of the day, if they’re messing it up, thats their problem
- helping those that have this kind of track record will only be a stain on you, ppl will blame you for recommending someone that performs poorly.
I understand where you are coming from. The most important thing for you to do is to be the person he can look at and say “How can I be more like that”.
People change for one of two reasons that I’ve noticed:
- Something traumatic happens and it leads to change
- They realize where they are and DECIDE to change
Your friend will not decide to change unless he sees someone near him who has changed into someone he can’t help but be jealous of.
Sometimes it’s hard to accept the harsh reality, but the harsh reality is that he won’t change unless you turn into the person who works every hour of the day and shows the results he only dreams of. At this point, he may ask how you did it, and that is when your opportunity arises.
I still don’t know why you made this post, even after you tried explaining
>Im also mad that my friend here is getting job offers but not me with more basic jobs.
this is the whole thread right here in one sentence.
r/leaves
I’m really not understanding your definition of friend. Who cares what his career or wealth aspirations are? Does he show up for you in your time of need? Is he fun to be around? Can you feel safe emotionally around him?
I realize you’re young and looking for advice on how to change him, but from one old person to a youngster, you need to look in the mirror. Your priorities around what is truly valuable in life and what makes people valuable to have in your life is a little off balance.
Oh my god? You sound like a priest ;-) Anyways, I think you just want to be a good friend. Maybe he has some „psychological“ problems and he just can‘t talk about it and that is why he has no motivation? Weed and Depression is a very nice combination.
There is nothing to fix.
You are working from the premise your way is the ‘right way’ and his is the ‘wrong way’. But everyone has different paths in life.
If you don’t enjoy being around him anymore that’s ok, just spend less or no time with him.
Friends often grow in different directions and go their separate ways, it’s just part of life mate.
That’s a lot of words to say you don’t know how to mind your own business. Accept your friend for what he is or don’t, but don’t call him your friend and secretly loathe him.