Even with a good career and all the “adult milestones” I don’t feel like an actual adult. I feel like I’m pretending to know what I’m doing. Anyone else experience this?
Only when I go to stand up after squatting for a time.
I’m in this comment and I don’t like it…
Wait, y’all can still squat?!
Yep. I sneezed and now my back hurts.
I weirdly like this experience. All the squeaks and cracks and static legs.
This. I’ve got a family, a mortgage, debt and everything else that goes with adulthood. My aching joints are the only thing that makes me feel like an adult.
i feel like an adult when people any younger than me speak
folks be making up words nowadays im like a month behind every trend but i keep it hip and classy by using the words ironically until its in my lexicon unbeknownst to me
im only 21 tho
No one has any idea what they’re doing.
I’m 35. I’ve got two kids. I make it up as I go along. There’s no plan, no blueprint. There’s just the day to day crap that life has for us all. I wake up, I go to work and my only real aim is to get home to my kids and partner.
41 and a total of 5 children (some step) here. Still not sure what I want to be when I grow up.
Hey, I felt like this when I had a job that I hated. I was constantly trying to figure out what I was going to do next, as if I hadn’t actually started life yet.
I was 36 when I just up and quit my job and went to trade school.
Best thing I’ve ever done. In the last 5 years I met, and married my wife, bought a big new house with her, and have actually felt like the adult I am. None of that would have happened if I never took a plunge.
r u a plumber?
Agreed. I’m 40 and I’ve reached a point where I feel like an adult. The biggest piece of that is that I understand that we’re all just making it up and figuring things out.
Imposter syndrome is also an intrinsic part of feeling like you aren’t an adult. Most of us experience this frequently - we have that feeling that everyone knows more than us and it makes us feel like we are fakes. But in reality, we just know more about ourselves and the gaps in our knowledge. We assume that they they know more than they do because we aren’t in their head and they aren’t expressing all the uncertainty and doubt hiding in there.
I think there is a pretty big difference between hearing people like you and me say “everyone is just making it up” and really internalizing that. I think internalization comes with time - you can believe something conceptually but often need to see it in practice over and over to really believe it in your bones.
There are other factors, too, which come with age and experience. Adults on the younger side are constantly running into new adult things and not knowing how to do those things is going to created this self doubt. “If I were an adult, I’d know how to do an insurance claim” or whatever. With further age, you will learn these things and have fewer of these doubts.
Copium
There is a paradox of confidence.
The people most confident in their competence tend to be the least competent in practice.
The Dunning–Kruger effect.
Self-cheerleaders tend to be morons, the most intelligent people by their nature tend to second guess their own abilities. Idiots just stroll through life taking whatever credit they can grab.
“The only thing I know is that I know nothing, and i am no quite sure that i know that.”
-Socrates
"Throughout my life, my two greatest assets have been mental stability and being, like, really smart.’
-Donald Trump
See the difference? By genuinely doubting, aka examining your abilities, you are in more competent company.
more people oughta read about and pay attention to philosophy shit is actually pretty interesting. if nothing else just to see how predictable the uneducated monkey brain is.
I’ve always considered the “why” to be the most important question for me.
In our society, the answer is almost always money, which is a means and not an end, and so western culture seems to be miserably grinding itself into the dirt, usually without ever looking up and asking what the deeper point is.
It’s really very tragic to me.
Putting the ‘capital’ in Capitalism.
The problem is the way we are told to treat adults as kids.
We go all the way through school repeatedly being told that the adults have the answers, they understand everything that we don’t, they know how to tackle the things that seem to big for us, and, most importantly, they don’t make mistakes.
So now that we’re adults, even though we cognitively know by now that it was all bullshit, it’s hard to turn that training around. We make mistakes, don’t have the answers, and sometimes struggle with parts of the world that we’d expected would make sense by now. We know that the adults before us were no different, but it’s been so long that it’s hard to internalize that we, now, are just like them.
Your imposter syndrome is programmed. It’s not your fault.
I knew it was all bullshit when I learned about Santa. Been down hill ever since.
It’s not quite the same but this line of thinking reminds me of a couple of scenes from How I Met Your Mother. Marshall tells the story of when they were travelling as a family when he was a child and his dad was this beacon of heroics who could magically see through the heavy fog. Later we get the story from his dad’s perspective who tells that he couldn’t see a thing, was terrified out of his wits but just kept on going and hoped for the best while keeping a brave face for his family. I know it’s fiction but it’s such a good little story that pulls back that curtain.
This is put very eloquently, thanks
My answer is still the same as this question was asked last time. I still feel no different than my teenage self until I meet some actual teenagers, and and there is nothing that makes me feel more like an adult than when I realize they are just kids, immature and wide-eyed, and the me of now is actually nothing like the teenage me I still think I am.
Being an adult means having grown-up responsibilities, you can no longer be the selfish, carefree child you used to be when there are people depending on you in this cruel, cynical world. Yet in spite of all this, you don’t have to give it all up, there should still be times where you can take a break from being an adult, and with the life experiences you didn’t have before, rediscover that sense of wonder, hope, and sincerity that you thought you’ve lost in a brand new light.
And that’s what Barbie was really about.
I read your last sentence. Then noticed your username 😯
I said it months ago, I’m here to shitpost and promote Barbie, and now that the strike is over, I’ve got an Oscar to win this year.
Barbie 2 confirmed?
Early 50s here and no, absolutely not. I still feel like I’m an immature teen inside my head, wondering what the hell happened.
looks in the mirror
…fuck
Congratulations!
By pondering those things and asking the questions that you did, you are now officially an adult!
Nobody knows what we’re doing. And we’re all just bouncing around and slamming into experiences like a bunch of dopes.
Eventually, you’re going to bump into some folks that just sorta stick. They’re going to like some of the same things that you like and be interesting in a multitude of ways. You’re going to find that life gets a little easier when you’ve got some friends to help spread it around.
It’s life. It’s weird and serious and silly and sometimes pretty sad. Hold on tight and enjoy the ride.
That’s part of it but I think there’s a bit more than that.
Getting older I see a clear development among my acquaintances and friends. The ones I would call “real” adults, they dedicate their lives to something that gives it meaning. Some set big goals and got involved in government, some regularly volunteer, some dedicate their lives to ‘simply’ providing as best they can for their kids and family.
For me that is the mark of an adult. Not your competence or your intelligence but what drives you outside just your own desires.
It comes in bursts. Like after doing your taxes or buying a car, you think “That was totally adult of me. Now it’s time for video games!”
This sums it up nicely for me.
Im 30, have a full-time salaried job, two kids, own a house… I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing I just want to play games and touch myself.
You are not alone at all.
Same at 40
I feel like we are what we are, and that will probably never change lol
Yes and No. 48.
There was never a horizon or dividing line I crossed between youth and adult. It just happened.
I’m still the same person I was when I was 10/20/30/40. Still like cool things, still confused about why we’re all here.
Other than my body getting real creaky and doing all kinds of weird old things, the only real difference between youth and adult is the realization that this very thread addresses. We’re all just making it up as we go. There’s no such thing as “adult”. There’s no Council of Super-Smart People running the world.
The only thing that makes you an adult is the realization that you have to be the change you want to see in the world. That you have to be the super-smart person running things.
Not once in my 45 years.
Just turned 30. I have a house, a kid and a wife. I still don’t feel like an “Adult”
show-off
52 here, and I’m like you…
I was really hoping once I hit 50 the feeling would go away
deleted by creator
Heey 1971 ?!
late 1970 :)
Damit 😁 !
I feel like a decaying 16 year old.
I feel like a decaying 16 year old.
So much this. You don’t get old, you break down.
Your mind still thinks you’re young, and then gets rudely reminded of the truth from time to time, that reminder coming more often as you wear down more.
Wake up, Jump out of bed excited for the day.
Horrific crunching noise from your knee, and a snap from your back that sounds like an industrial 3 foot thick rubberband snapping quickly bringing you back to reality as you collapse against the foot of your bed in agony. shaky hand reaching desperately for the tylenol and bottle of water you keep on your nightstand just for this moment, before hobbling into the bathroom to take the first of several morning shits, each more horrific than the last.
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is decrepit and aged beyond usefulness.
Even worse, now Tylenol is dangerous for us abd we have to be very careful how much we ingest.
We definitely need better human mechanics.
except I still have to take tylenol because I cant take ibuprofen with certain medical conditions I have.
and speaking of medical conditions, Holy fuck, why do we start collecting medical conditions like pokemon once we hit 30?
except I still have to take tylenol because I cant take ibuprofen with certain medical conditions I have.
Blood thinners?
and speaking of medical conditions, Holy fuck, why do we start collecting medical conditions like pokemon once we hit 30?
They increase exponentially as you get older.
One day you’ll feel like a decaying 30 year old 😌
The “actual adults” we were sold as children were never real.
