It was “Mom” and “Dad”.

The one time I called my Mom by her first name was when we worked at a nursery/garden center together. A customer asked me a question and my Mom was close by working on something and I didn’t want to call her “Mom” in front of the customer.

It was one of the most awkward things I’ve ever done. My Mom ended up not caring, she understood.

It’s just the culture you grew up in but it makes no sense to me not addressing someone by their name and instead rank them by seniority.

I’m portuguese. Family is very important for us, even more than for italians, I risk.

Two generations back, no child would dare address a parent as such. It would always be “sir” or “madam”. And the same would happen for any older people. It was enforced through religion and socially because we were under a dictatorship that wanted to “elevate” the country, so social status and ranking had to be constantly displayed and reinforced. Being a father or a mother was a function, in the name of god and for the advancement of the state and country.

Poor, humble, people could not care. Children were treasures by themselves and being mother or father is a previliege only few deserve. Being addressed as such was precious. It made their petty lives meaningful. And when the dictatorship was toppled, that notion pushed out the “proper”, religion fed, state supported, socially enforced, status quo.

Children nowadays address parents in the second (“you”) person, the same for grand parents, great-grandparents, uncles, aunts or any relative. Mother and father carry belonging and closeness. A family title implies care for the other, a bond that crosses generations, that binds people together. Blood truly runs thicker than water, here.

If a relative gets our formal second person, added to their family title, that immediatly signals that person is not a close relative nor a person we are at ease with. If a relative gets an added “Sir” or “Madam” it’s implied the family tie is recognized but nor trust or closeness are granted and the other person will have to earn it.

This also bleeds to social interactions. If introduced to someone, most will stick to the more neutral formal second person. It can easily evade titles and passes as polite but only out of courtesy, as we have no previous connection towards the other. The informal second person can be earned between work colleagues or someone we interact on a daily basis. If the formal second person is enforced, that is distancing being put between people and that denounces they don’t get along. Demanding a title is close to stating two individuals only deal with eachother by necessity.

However, it is considered polite to address someone by their professional title, especially in health related context.

Back to family.

A family is only as strong as the individuals that make it up. My children address me as father and that is an honor and privilige they grant me. But my name in their mouth is their recognition of my individuality and the same is true in reverse. I do not admit to anyone demand from my children an addressing by “Sir” or “Madam” without giving them the same deference. And if I refuse formality and insist being addressed by name is because I want to be recognized by who I am. It saddens me to hear close relatives and people that work and collaborate on a daily basis hide behind titles or enforce artificial social distance. We all rely on each other. In a broad sense, we are all related.

I’ve always done that with both my parents, but then again I’m Danish. It’s a radically different culture. Families are not seen as particularly inherently important here. It’s usually not even a meritocratic assessment of the family as a unit - it’s an individual one. You might like some people, you might dislike others. Either way, is has almost nothing to do with whether a blood relation exists or not.

“An asshole’s an asshole.”

Edit: Along similar philosophical lines, there’s no particular veneration of age. Age and wisdom might be proportionally related, but one does not guarantee the other. Some people manage only to grow more foolish with age. Precocious children exist.

I’d be very interested in exploring the differences between cultures more with you, assuming you’re willing.

My second son calls his mother and I by our first names and has done since he was 5. None of our other kids do that, it is something he decided to do, and has continued. He is now 16

I’ve never called my parents by their first names, and I’ve never known someone who did.

I called my grandparents “Grandma and Grandpa [Last Name]”. But my aunts and uncles were “Aunt [First Name]” and “Uncle [First Name]”. I would say that’s pretty standard for the USA.

I mostly call my moms by their first names. I almost never directly refer to them as “mom.” When talking about them to people who know them, I refer to them by their names. Basically only call them my mom to people who don’t know my parents.

I’m in the US. But I think part of the reason I do that is having multiple moms. OTOH, they are trying to teach our niece to call them grammy and nana and I know my cousins have a similar way of differentiating their moms.

The only one I know personally has a very bad relationship with her mother, so she intentionally keeps a distance.

I know some do it even if they have a great relationship. It feels weird to me because it’s not the norm. Are they making a statement of some kind?

But basically only parents and grandparents are not called by name here. Uncles and aunts only when you’re young.

I’ve probably done it occasionally, when calling them in a public space shouting ‘Daaad’ as an adult feels a bit weird. Same with talking about them to a third person, I might use their names rather than say “my mum” the whole time.

But face to face, talking with them? It’d feel pretty weird, too impersonal and distant. If I saw someone else doing it tontjeir parents, I’d probably note it as unusual, but would be shocked.

I call my parents ‘Mummy’ and ‘Daddy’ to their face, or ‘my mother’ and ‘my father’ to others, unless they specifically ask what their name is. I call my grandmas ‘Grandma [name]’, and my grandfather by a cultural title. Aunts and uncles I call ‘Aunt [name]’ to differentiate them. Siblings and cousins I call by their name.

I am from the UK

I’m German and switched from Mama/Papa (mom/dad) to their first names sometime in my early teens as did my sister. I couldn’t say how exactly it happened—just felt too old to use the former. But that’s not universal here; I know people who still use the nicknames in their forties.

particularly Americans, apparantly are on first-name basis with parents… like either because they are very close, or very distant…

American here - I’ve known a couple of people that used their parents’ first names, but it’s pretty rare. I’m no/low contact with my father, and I’ve thought of just using his first name because I don’t feel like he deserves to be called “dad,” but I’ve called him dad my whole live and I think it would just feel weird to call him by his first name.

I only use my parents’ first names when trying to get their attention from a distance.

Europe.

I’m very close with my mom, I call her interchangeably her name or “mom”. My friends know her and I speak of her often at work and in general because we hang out a lot, so most people have met her and/or know her well by her actual name.

I am not as close with my dad and call him dad most of the time, unless trying to get his attention - he is very bad at reacting or responding to anything but his name if he isn’t listening fully. I mostly spend time with him in family situations, unlike my mom who I consider friend as well as family.

It’s not the most common to call your parents by their name here, but it’s not super unusual or disrespectful either.

Stopped using “mom” and “dad” at about the same time as I moved out. Can’t really explain exactly why, just seemed like part of growing up amd becoming an independent adult of my own.

/Swede

My kiddo calls me by my first name