I want incredibly mundane insults like “you look like you have a terrible handshake.”
“I bet we’ll see you on the news someday.”
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Two more I’ve heard over the years:
‘You should carry around a potted plant to replace the oxygen you’re wasting’
And:
‘Your head is really just a place to store your teeth isn’t it?
A similar one to the plant is “somewhere in the world there’s a tree working hard to create the oxygen you just wasted, you should find it and apologize”
Oh I’m stealing this one.
There’s a german saying: “You just need your head so it doesnt rain into your throat”
Yes! This is exactly what I wanted!
The Monty Python French taunters classic is a scathing insult and noone gets it. Break down the line:
“Your mother was a hampster, and your father smelt of elderberries”
Firstly, they are calling your mother a fast-breeding rodent, ergo, your mother is a whore, that one is simple. Second, why would your father smell of elderberries? What was it used for at the time? Wine, but better wine would be made from grapes from France or southern England, implying your father was was not just a drunk, but a cheap drunk.
Its one of the most insulting lines ever uttered on film and it has so many layers, which is why that movie is hillarious.
I’m sure the Python loved it when their jokes were explained in excruciatingly boring detail
I fart in your general direction.
Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
Fetchez la vache!
Ni!
At the renaissance festival today there was a shirt with the horsey chess piece and a bub le caption “ni”. Almost came home with me.
Isn’t the elderberries thing actually just about the smell? Based on what I read, elderberry flowers begin to develop a strong musky and/or cheesy aroma, so it would be akin to saying that your father doesn’t wash himself.
Also, your mum is really hairy
Cheap drunk? Do you have any idea how much it costed to ship goods back then overland? To ship wine no less, which is bulky in the vast quantities our ancestors drank it.
People made alcohol with what they had, every household made their own usually, they didn’t buy it. That’s why the north drank beer and ale, and the south wine. That’s why so many apple trees were planted in the north as well, the only other northern fruit (idk about elderberries,) that has enough sugar to ferment to an appreciable degree, (it’s less than grapes, I think 5% hard cider is about average, or at least mine was that.
Furthermore, I bet I like the taste and smell of elderberries, they don’t grow here that I’m aware. So I don’t agree it’s a good insult, but thank for describing it, because I always thought that was an odd one.
Swallows could have carried the elderberries
A swallow couldn’t carry elderberries to north america, it’s a question of direction, why would they fly west, into the wind when they migrate south?
They were shouting it at king arthur (the taunters clearly knew who he was, he was introduced as such), I think his parents could afford the costs to get what ever shipments they wanted, be them from France… Or [shudders for comedic effect] Scottland.
You are correct in that people used what they had, and that is entierly the joke. Wine made from elderberries was much more common up north where imports were not something people had… Unless they were of nobility.
This is both historically inaccurate and you typed out “costed” like it was a real word.
“Anyone ever tell you that you’ve done a great job lately?”
“No” (This one requires a no answer)
“Think about that, then.”
If they say yes you can then continue with “I meant besides yourself”
What if they just say “thank you”
I didn’t say you’ve done a great job.
I’d try to explain it slower but I don’t believe speed is the problem
One I saw on Lemmy and remembered was “You have nothing but potential”
I’ve always been partial to:
“You’re at the top of the bell curve!”
Because it sounds like a compliment, gets taken as an insult, but really you’re just calling them average.
It’s a whole different level of demoralizing when they finally figure it out.
It depends which top you mean. Top as in left-right or up-down, can get interpreted differently
I feep like bell curves are pretty consistent left to right, top being the apex. Maybe some fields do it differently.
If it isn’t tall in the middle and sloped on both sides it would be a line graph because it would not be bell shaped.
A few I’ve acquired over the years.
- “At this point, you can only impress me.”
- “My opinion of you can only go up from here”
- “The bar was on the ground and you brought a shovel.”
- Unencumbered by the thought process.
- “You’re the reason we have warning labels.”
- “They only got two brain cells and both of them are fighting for third place.”
- “It’s impossible to underestimate you.”
- “If you were half as smart as you think you are, you’d be twice as smart as you really are.”
- “If you ever had a clever thought, it died alone and afraid.”
- “They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.”
- “He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.” - Abraham Lincoln
- “May I ask what’s on your mind, if you’ll forgive the overstatement?”
- “You could hide your own Easter eggs.”
- “I can explain it again, if you’d like, but I can’t understand for you.”
- “He is a modest man with much to be modest about.”
- “I would agree with you but then we would both be wrong”
The classic:
- You look easy to draw
Others:
-
You are the type of person who makes the teenage cashier at Chipotle explain why guac costs extra.
-
You’re the human equivalent of a bag of salad that goes bad the day you buy it, worthless after I already spent my cash.
-
Talking to you is like using a public restroom, sometimes necessary, never pleasant and leaves me feeling a little gross after.
-
Every conversation with you has the emotional texture of a Terms and Conditions pop-up.
-
Being around you feels like watching someone try parallel park for four minutes.
and the best I have ever hear with my own ears, which is not mundane, but is excellent when yelling at the top of your lungs so all the neighbors can hear: “You are a supercilious cunt”
Was it classic before this? That was my first exposure to the phrase.
Although the drawing’s eyebrows are not as surprised as the real dude’s are. lol
It was an instant classic. But also I call it a classic in the insult sense because its simple and can be applied to anyone.
#3 is a real scalding, hospital admission level burn. I like #5 too because funny.
I don’t think easy to draw is an insult but it is a really funny concept.
You know what, I literally just had the word supercilious pop into my head randomly like 5 minutes ago, then I realized I didn’t know what it meant. I looked it up, went “huh” and opened Lemmy. The first post I opened was this one and I come across this comment
supercilious cunt
Damn. I used that exact phrase in an email to my ex-wife like 15 years ago. It’s a good’n.
“The other sperm just let you win, didn’t they?”
“[W]hat you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”
Okay, a simple ‘wrong’ would have done just fine…
“Not even wrong!”
Where’s the fun in that?
You have a great face for radio.
“If all the village idiots, in all of the villages, left their villages, and formed their own village, of idiots. In that village, you would be the village idiot.” - Colin Lane
“Don’t be so humble. You’re not that great.” - Maria Bamford’s dad.
“People say you’re a real wit, but I think they’re only half right.” - me
Half wit is one of my go to insults. What else is fun, which I haven’t seen on here yet, is complimenting someone in an insulting way, ‘wow, great reply, and you did it all by yourself!’ But there are better examples I hardly use these.
For two people who look/are dressed similarly: “you look like the before and after photos for a product that doesn’t work.”
Oh that’s good. I’m saving that, but it may be years before I have a chance to use it!
