Second week of my job and I’m having mixed feelings of, “oh I’m doing enough,” and “oh my god I need to do more.” It’s slow and I can’t tell how it’ll ramp up. Feels less busy than college. But. I am doing 12hr days again, basically, when including commute. Me no likey.

I don’t get why I was told I’d have more time for hobbies post grad by people working full time. I feel like the best time to explore is when you’re a kid (but if you had no access to resources, good luck lol?). 🤡

I mean I guess I still am trading my time for money which…might get me some time back? Eh. Point is I’m still figuring out work life balance. Still figuring out my career plans, as I know I should go up the ladder a bit more for stability. …man. sigh. I mean. Dude I just want the part where my brain throws a party and feels happier or safer. I wanna poke my brain with a stick for not operating.

Still one remaining plumbing related issue to be fixed, sigh, but the flooring issues have been mostly fixed, all the windows have casings and trim, and my electrician neighbor lent me his tool to fish wires behind drywall so all of the various video cables have been run from behind the entertainment console to the living room tv which was mounted today. Fiber internet got installed yesterday as well

Had a frustrating few days with my father this week but my baby brother came up for the first time in nine years and we had some really wonderful heart-to-hearts which I think/hope will go a long way to repairing our relationship further. My other brother and I are going to see Gorillaz with Deltron 3030 tonight in Boston for The Mountain tour and I’m wicked excited for that.

Yesterday suddenly got very expensive. Expected to replace TMPS sensors in my wife’s car. Instead picked up a roofing nail in a non-repairable spot and suddenly need 4 new tires because AWD.

I basically disappeared into a cave for the past week. After 17 years, it’s hard to accept the person you thought was meant for you will never be more than a tantrum-throwing value extractor. I’ve been cycling through so many emotions at random it made the most sense to stay in my room.

When we got divorced, at least relief was in the mix. This time, I’m kicking myself for falling for Lucy and the football yet a-fucking-gain.

On the plus side, there’s now a timeline on the commune. My housemates plan to put the house up for sale at the first of the year. We’re supposed to drop from the upper 90s (where we have been stuck since May) to upper 70s by this weekend, so van work can begin in earnest.

Baby’s sick for the first time and I’m sick too. Barely gotten any sleep since Friday

Started a new job. Not a higher position, but one that should be less stress. However the first day was certainly stressful and I already hate the commute. Don’t have time to do anything!

Pray for me that it will be a good move…

Extreme highs and lows all in the past week, and trying not to get whiplash from it. Otherwise it’s the usual grind. I’m really taking weekends and nights to be as peaceful as possible, reserving one day a week for all the really annoying chores and things that need attention. It helps to make it feel like I’m not on the Struggle Bus Express but a few days a week. Sending well wishes to everyone out there.

I’m on this side of the ground.

Meh. Glad to be alive. Glad to be healthy. I don’t like the direction that the world is going and I haven’t for awhile.

Other than that, it’s pretty good. Very happy for the people I have in my life.