Beyond the polite “Hey, how’s it going”. Close enough to hang out at each other’s apartment, maybe even ask them to water your plants or feed your pet while you’re away.
My last apartment (~2020) was at less than 30% occupancy and I was the only person living on my floor. Yay housing crisis.
My apartment before that was in an older Orthodox Jewish Ukrainian community that was very hostile to outsiders, and particularly my interracial relationship. The head door guard was especially racist. There was one other guy with a dog who was super nice and friendly we’d talk a bunch especially while walking. He was feeling as unwelcome as we were and they drove him out a few months before we got driven out.
Now, as a homeowner I’ve exchanged misdelivered packages with my neighbours and done trick or treating. I don’t really know their names but i recognize their faces. There was one guy that was a creep to the femmes of our building but he’s moved out thankfully, but it kinda spoilt the first impressions a bit.
- Watering plants: yes.
- Talking to each other 10+ minutes: yes.
- Chatting via a messenger: yes.
- Hang out: no.
No but I’ll talk to some in the halls. A lot of my neighbors are Arabic, south Asian, and African newcomers, and I’m almost always in the common part of the building with my dogs, and 99% of them hate dogs and run away from me, despite the fact my dogs are little and one is very elderly and uninterested in people. It’s just not their culture to own pets I guess, so none of them want to talk to me.
My neighbor broke into my apartment while I was on vacation
So no, no I don’t.
A handful, never had bad neighbor experiences before. Many pals and some watch my pets or get packages.
Nope. I’d love some community but most people move every year or two here
My wife (then gf) and I moved in to the current apartment when we were ~25 (we are now almost 30). We made little notes introducing ourselves for all the neighbours, and one couple responded by bringing us a bottle of wine as a gift. We ended up friends with them, playing board games, video games, D&D, and the occasional party. We dont hang out consistently, but its nice to have friends in the building.
We used to watch GOT and go to bars with our upstairs neighbors. I don’t remember how the introduction started but once we found out we had common interests we started hanging out.
They moved out a year after that. The next upstairs neighbors let their dogs piss on their balcony (which ran down onto my deck) so they can go fly a kite.
Typically, not friends. I’ll greet them and make small talk.
I walk my dog multiple times a day at similar hours and other neighbors do as well. So I’ll run into the same people regularly. We’ll talk a little bit. Sometimes I’ll talk a few minutes, sometimes it’s just a greeting.
I have asked on two occasions in 3 years for a neighbor to take out the dog. So generally no, but it has happened
The dog owners are a big reason I thought about this more. Like you said, it’s usually at similar hours everyday so I’ll run into a few pretty regularly. They usually seem like they’re in a rush to get their walk done so I don’t want to bog them down with small talk, and at the same time I don’t know if I’m just being awkward by not engaging with them more.
my tip is just to greet people loudly with a smile. say good morning, talk about weather, whatever
i’ve found that most people will do as you say. just try and look away and go about their day. some people can even look mean with a face that is not inviting at all.
but if you say hi in a friendly way one day, they look at you surprised a mutter something back.
the next time you see them, they have a smile on their face and they greet you more warmly.
really this is the thing about human connection. someone has to bridge that gap. and it’s not hard to do
This is true. It’s because people are generally on auto pilot and don’t want to risk awkward conversations. But if you can make the initial contact a positive one, they will warm up quickly. Unless it’s a girl and she thinks you are trying to hit on her, then she may starting to take another route.
No. I don’t talk to strangers without a reason.
Like if they have free candy?
Eh, kinda. Not really friends though, more like I have a few neighbours who I’m comfortable having as barely acquaintances.
There’s the lady across the hall who occasionally brings my parcels/post up and I do the same for her.
Protein shake bro, who lives next door and has a loud blender. I’ve not actually met him but am deeply comforted by his shake making regularity.
The chubby Brazilians, the couple who sometimes take parcels for me when couriers insist on banging on the wrong door, and I’ve done the same for them too a few times.
The lady with the inverse door number to mine, we swapped numbers at one point but only ever text about recieving each others Amazon parcels. She stole my pasta maker during the pandemic though, so I lost her number. I see her on her balcony sometimes and used to hope she texted me so I could be like “no pasta maker. who dis?” but alas.
Aside from this (and tbh actually, including one or two) there’s a lot of crackheads, mentally disturbed, and domestically violent in my building, so it’s not really somewhere I’m comfortable being known by or inviting neighbours into my flat.
For a moment I thought you meant you swapped the numbers on your doors as some kind of weird prank.
You could write a sitcom about all your neighbours
“she took my pasta maker, Jerry!”
When I first moved in to my apartment, I became friends with one neighbor because I could hear him coughing through the wall and asked to buy some weed off him one day. He would occasionally ask me to take care of his dog when he was out of town. He has since moved and a nice old lady moved in. On the other side of my apartment is a special needs adult with care workers constantly coming and going, so not so much making friends anymore.
Personally I love to bake, so when I first moved into my current apartment I made a bunch of small coffee cakes and just cold knocked on the doors of all my neighbors one evening. Some folks weren’t home, but for the people I did meet it broke the ice and set us up to chat more when we ran into each other in the hall. And I was lucky enough to even make 3 good friends who I trade pet/plant care and favors with!
This exercise also quickly identified some people that I would not be friends with and that was valuable too.
How often do folk accept your cakes? Have many new neighbours come by offering you baked goods too? Have you met folk who won’t accept your baked goods? Is it awkward?
Sorry for all the questions! This is only something I’ve ever seen done in tv and films and I’m so curious.
I’ve thought about doing this myself a few times and ended up coming to the conclusions that as I just don’t trust the hygiene or humanity of strangers enough to be comfortable with consuming food offered like this, and so it would also not be right for me to bake for strangers by assuming they should trust me and my hygiene and humanity, either.
Have you ever had neighbouring folk offer you baked goods that made you sick? Or that in hindsight once you learnt more about them and/or saw their homes, you regret eating the food they gave you?
No one rejected them! Although I can’t confirm whether everyone ate them lol. None of my neighbors reciprocate with baked goods, so can’t comment on that, but I am satisfied with the trade even just for good will for me and my barky dog.
But I can confirm that I have baked for years, and have passed out enough goods around the building that no one has cause to mistrust me. I definitely wouldn’t have gone this route if I wasn’t a competent baker.
Usually just greet or have short smalltalks and be on my way, but it’s nice to have a good relationship with 1-2 neighbors to help water plants, receive parcels and so on.
About five years ago a new neighbor moved in downstairs and put a note up with her number saying who she is and that she is happy to get to know her new neighbors. Unusually forward but cool, so I wrote her and we met. We became running buddies, she sometimes took care of my dog, I helped out with handiwork, or we just hung out together and talked. She moved out a year later but we are still very good friends to this day.
In my current apartment I unfortunately don’t know anyone. The only neighbor I had a good relationship with is gone and the others keep to themselves.
I always try to make friends with my neighbours, with varying results. Most of my neighbours I’ve met have been nice, I think most people are. Some people are just shy though. And some are just miserable assholes.
