I was trying to explain federated websites to a friend and she asked if there is a federated dating app. She recently went through a break up and the apps are dreadful as I’m sure many of you know.
It’d be hard to launch a dating system on the fediverse because it the type of service that relies heavily on network effects. People want to be on the dating app with the most people. However, I think there is an opportunity because the mainstream apps are so notoriously awful, monetized, and enshitified.
It could be a community within an existing network or it could be its own website. I don’t know, I’m just putting the idea out there.
Match group 100% should be broken up.
I think a lot of people, of all genders, are surprisingly bad at the skills needed to use a dating app successfully. People dead end conversations and then are like “why aren’t I having fun conversations?”
Like, a profile says “I love SomeBand”. You write “hey! SomeBand is my favorite. Did you see their new music video? I don’t know how they got those cats to act!” And then respond with “no”, end of message. I’m just like my friend, that is not how you use this tool. What do you think is going to happen next?
But yeah, women refusing to take initiative probably isn’t helping. But the roots of that are pretty deep in our sexist society, and I don’t see that changing any time soon.
Don’t get me started on men on dating apps. Obviously my experience is second hand, but from what I can gather, it’s generally a race to send a dick pic, them thinking money can buy everything, them having as you said no idea how to have a conversation and then there’s the ones that get no response and so start with the harassment.
One thing that I find really perplexing is all the profiles that state, “no pen pals”, what’s the point of being on a dating app if you’re not going to vet people. It’s like letting someone do surgery because they look like a doctor and then wondering why they’re on trial for murdering the village. I just wanna figure out if we have sustained chemistry. If you can’t be arsed to message me for a week or two, you’re not gonna wanna date me are you?!
We have different takes about “pen pals”. I don’t want to message someone for weeks before meeting up. I do like
That’s it. All done. Meeting up for a drink is low cost and low risk, but very information dense. I can get a better feel for if I want to invest in them after an hour in person than I can with a week of texting.
This is written from the perspective of a man who doesn’t date men. I can’t speak authoritatively about other experiences, but second hand none of my women friends have enjoyed prolonged texting without meeting.
But that’s the thing and of course, it’s all down to personal preference. But if your chemistry and interest can’t survive two weeks, it’s not going to survive two years or two decades. We live in a society where it’s now, now, now and part of our due diligence is patience. Anyone can feign interest over two or three messages, but how desperate are you (not you personally, you get what I mean)? So you take them out, you buy them a few drinks and then what? A couple dinners before you find out they’re not what you thought? The same is achieved with just talking for a couple weeks. But each to their own. If it was one size fits all, the Match Group wouldn’t be able to keep buying apps for millions of pounds. Dating is a means to an end to me, I get that for some it’s a hobby or form of entertainment, but I have better things to do with my time than use it to test if I like someone. I could use that time to spend with someone I’ve already confirmed I like.
I just don’t think spending 2 weeks texting without meeting is going to give useful, accurate, information. The chemistry you’re measuring there isn’t what you’ll have in real life.
Strong disagreement here. The same is not achieved by texting and fundamentally cannot be achieved. There is too much stuff in body language, voice, and such that you’re just not going to reveal over text. Plus other stuff like seeing how they interact with other people. Are they rude to the bartender? Do they road rage? There are whole worlds of information you can’t get without spending time with someone in person.
You are taking their question at face value. What they really mean is why am I not being contacted by attractive people?
Maybe sometimes. Most modern apps you can only message if you’ve both signaled interest, so if you’re getting messages from people you’re not attracted to I’d ask why you swiped on them in the first place.
Secondly, if you get a message and aren’t interested, it’s better to just unmatch. If you don’t have time to respond fully now, then just don’t say anything. If you send a half-ass response, you look kind of bad and the other person might bail. Who wants to talk to someone who, based on all available evidence in this scenario, can’t hold a conversation? The main thing on these app is trying to make yourself look good. Making yourself look like someone who can’t compose a sentence isn’t doing yourself any favors.
For women:
For men:
Lonely and/or horny people.
Some of this behavior seems self destructive.
I knew a woman who would be like “I have too many matches it’s overwhelming”. I’d be like “ok well stop swiping and clear out what you have.” She’d be like “no, swiping is fun.” Well, ok, but you’re not making progress towards your stated goal, and you’re wasting the other people’s time.