I had a lot of trouble with the same thing, but with my mom when I told her I was starting my own business. The concern comes from a mindset of scarcity and feeling afraid of losing things/risk/failure. What helped me was remembering that the concerns and negativity were born from wanting to protect me because she loves me. What I did instead was not share as much with her, or ask for her permission, and instead have those conversations (like this one) with other people who have taken the leap and have been successful or have found success. I ended up saying to her, “I love you, and I know you are concerned because you love me, but all I need from you is your love and support of my decisions and I will figure the rest out because I believe in myself.” Her doubt still sometimes comes up in conversations - whether it is a question, tone of voice or whatever and it still hurts, but I just remember that I am a strong person with a stronger mindset and belief in myself than her, and that is what makes me fit to do this. Best of luck to you - it is a hard situation for sure.

Family can be harsh on dreams! If you want to spend the time you could do what Tim Farris suggests. What is the worst that could happen and work backwards. Sounds like your wife could pick the starting point for that business plan.

Maybe your ideas truly are bad.

Start with a low overhead idea.

Without going into details, I’ve been the wife in this situation.

Great ideas are just that, ideas. My terror is you starting this idea and figuring it out as you go, driving us into debt.

If you don’t have a financial safety net, put those ideas into a notebook and start saving.

‘Just start and figure problems out later’ said no successful person ever. You cannot cover every issue but you gotta have more than an idea.

Since your wife is a naysayer, I’d consider reframing your approach. When you bring ideas to her, ask her ‘What needs to be true for this business idea to work?’ This refocuses the discussion around the pieces that need to be put in place for success to be achievable. If she reverts to her old habits, try refocusing her on the question above, and if she can’t get there, then at least you’ve tried to include her.

TL/DR: men and women historically have very different appetite for risk when it comes to small business ownership, and it sounds like this whole notion freaks your wife the fuck out. I’d consider having a general discussion about your goals and try to uncover what makes her so fatalistic/negative about this topic. Her dad may have been shit with money, she may not trust you, she might just be a disaster forecaster. Regardless, if you’re putting money on the line that she has a say in, you’ll want to figure out how to get aligned before diving in. Lack of shared perspective on financial risks and goals is one of the primary reasons marriages fail.

Unfortunately… leave her out of it.

There’s absolutely things that are figured out after “just starting” however prior to starting does requires preparation and planning. Take her points as things you need to mitigate in your business plan. Start with a small project (part time, less ressource intensive, etc) and build and showcase your progress from there. The more you prove you’re capable, the more she’ll have to believe in you and the less negative feedback you’ll receive. Last point, all constructive feedback should be welcome and not taken as “negative” as it will make you stronger and can be the best “silent” partner you can ever have. Hope this helps!

There’s pragmatic in the “how can we address this issue, has this been thought of?” And negative “this has this issue”.

I remember reading how Harry Truman’s mother in law never approved of him even though he became President.

It really is a blessing to have someone to tear apart ideas. I used to run an entrepreneur group in Colorado for a few years and we’d have pitch nights and people were always supportive even if the idea was bad. We started realizing that people would then spent time and money on a shit idea and couldn’t figure out why it failed so we changed our pitch night feedback time to require the audience to provide negative feedback or criticize the business model, etc.

It worked great. The few really great ideas had some negative feedback but it was something that could be overcome. The crap ideas got flushed pretty quickly and people were appreciative for having people validate or invalidate their ideas before they sank time into them.

Now that said. I would suggest you ask your wife to the idea and ask her for negative feedback. “Why is this idea bad?” Take lots of notes and after she is done ask her what is good about the idea. Again take notes.

By giving her permission you are taking the sting out of it and also removing her stress of trying to be nice and critical at the same time.

This way you are asking for negative feedback, which is the best kind imho, and your wife has permission to be critical. If she is just trolling ie “it’s stupid…. You can’t do it…etc” then stop asking her advice and find others to validate your idea and maybe look into some marriage counseling.

Huh, everything I’ve read is to start with a business plan. To have a more constructive discussions about the risks present the plan and do a SWOT diagram with her.

She’s wrong and stupid. Iam a business man and I’ll tell you whilst it is better identifying problems before hand. You want these problems to be basic problems like shipping, expenses etc More complex problems require adaptation and experience, plus when you go this way through adaption to the markets you’ll usually find much better solutions as you tend to try harder. Don’t listen to your wife ever when it comes to solutions unless it’s simple as women tend to think in a more simplistic manner, have her deal with the finance and budgeting department in your business to make her happy.

Get a new one.

It’s because she’s a woman. They’re all the same

She’s probably being a realist and not negative. I’m the same way and get mistaken for being negative.