I know the idea makes you feel uncomfortable, but I promise you are capable of so much more than you’ve been led to believe by society, culture and peers and even your own mind.
This may seem shocking to you, but some of us are okay being introverts, you know? It’s not something negative. Society values other types of personality more, that’s a fact, but I’m fine the way I am.
I often come off as rude or abrasive because I assume people are smart enough to understand that on this topic, I am specifically talking about if you have a problem or you’re unhappy, so I don’t drop a wall of qualifiers.
And I still won’t drop a wall of qualifiers because in my 25 years of having this conversation more often than not, the people who respond that they’re fine and happy usually aren’t and wish that they could make some kind of changes to their life, which is why they felt the need to respond that they’re fine despite obviously not being the target of the message.
What you actually mean when you say ‘I assume people are smart enough’ is ‘I expect people to make the same assumptions as me’. People come from very different contexts. You can either drop that wall of qualifiers and be understood by most, or skip it and only have a few get your point. It sounds like you know why you’re being misinterpreted and, for whatever reason, want to keep it that way.
The qualifiers give people a bridge to escape, a way to say “No, that’s not me, I know my situation and my feelings, and despite being sad like 90% of the time, in this once instance I am the exception to the rule and don’t have to do shit to feel better.”
So yah, I rather make people mad and get them to reply “whaa that’s not me, you don’t know what you’re talking about” because that is action, that is something that forces people to think about why the message makes them mad, and if they get hit with that enough, they often think about it more and can change. The fervor to pile on and say “you don’t understand me” just tells me it’s working. Because it takes an almost subconscious obtuse rejection of a broad, not-targeted message to lash out at it. We need to understand this behavior in ourselves as well.
I’m glad you worked and improved yourself, but quit trying to “fix” other people. I’m not even mad as you assume. But it baffles me that you don’t understad that not everyone that labels themselves as one thing you don’t agree on is “fucked up”.
I’m offering a rope, many people have taken it and have thanked me. So no, I have no intention of stopping.
You don’t have to touch the rope, you don’t have to even look at it.
But for some reason you are here looking at it scorning it, and you interpret the fact that the rope exists for some people as an implication that anyone who doesn’t reach out for it is “fucked up," which I have never remotely suggested, that came from inside you, my only implication is that you have a greater capacity for change and elasticity in your brain than labels are letting you believe. You do with that what you will.
Then please reframe your approach, accept that introverts exist and stop invalidating us. You say “There’s no such thing as introverts” and that’s not the way to go about offering help, it’s harmful, you generalize and I’m not the only one that interpreted it that way.
That’s what I’m trying to get across.
Thanks I’m cured! All my anxieties and masking and difficulties socializing from overstimulation have gone away because of your uninformed happy thoughts. Why didn’t I try that before?!
Why would I wanna change? I’m happy as an introvert, know that I have a limited energy in social settings and there is nothing wrong with that or need change. What are you on about?
You’re insisting that the frameworks some people use to understand the world are all made up (to be fair you aren’t entirely wrong). But the power of positive thinking bullshit is peddled by every grifter and their mother and is often the stick used by people who aren’t willing to acknowledge that depression isn’t all in your head.
It’s akin to saying, just go for a run and you’ll feel better. You may be right, but you are completely neglecting that medication is also useful possibly above and beyond a nice jog.
People can better themselves, but this particular category of argument ignores a lot of realities for people that need more than a pep talk.
Also, introvert and extravert are nice short hand terms for “probabilistically, I gain or lose energy from the average social outing”.
I’m not prescribing platitudes and positive thinking, I’m saying if you think you’re an introvert and you’re unhappy with it, you can change with practice and work. It’s hard work and you fall down a lot but you can have a very different lifestyle with far more opportunities to meet people, have relationships and get recognized in your career or study.
The problem I am outlining is that many people think this is outside of their capability because they are “An Introvert™” and that’s just a word, not a diagnosis of a disease.
Yes. And we call that kind of person an “introvert”.
I know the idea makes you feel uncomfortable, but I promise you are capable of so much more than you’ve been led to believe by society, culture and peers and even your own mind.
This may seem shocking to you, but some of us are okay being introverts, you know? It’s not something negative. Society values other types of personality more, that’s a fact, but I’m fine the way I am.
I often come off as rude or abrasive because I assume people are smart enough to understand that on this topic, I am specifically talking about if you have a problem or you’re unhappy, so I don’t drop a wall of qualifiers.
And I still won’t drop a wall of qualifiers because in my 25 years of having this conversation more often than not, the people who respond that they’re fine and happy usually aren’t and wish that they could make some kind of changes to their life, which is why they felt the need to respond that they’re fine despite obviously not being the target of the message.
What you actually mean when you say ‘I assume people are smart enough’ is ‘I expect people to make the same assumptions as me’. People come from very different contexts. You can either drop that wall of qualifiers and be understood by most, or skip it and only have a few get your point. It sounds like you know why you’re being misinterpreted and, for whatever reason, want to keep it that way.
The qualifiers give people a bridge to escape, a way to say “No, that’s not me, I know my situation and my feelings, and despite being sad like 90% of the time, in this once instance I am the exception to the rule and don’t have to do shit to feel better.”
So yah, I rather make people mad and get them to reply “whaa that’s not me, you don’t know what you’re talking about” because that is action, that is something that forces people to think about why the message makes them mad, and if they get hit with that enough, they often think about it more and can change. The fervor to pile on and say “you don’t understand me” just tells me it’s working. Because it takes an almost subconscious obtuse rejection of a broad, not-targeted message to lash out at it. We need to understand this behavior in ourselves as well.
I’m glad you worked and improved yourself, but quit trying to “fix” other people. I’m not even mad as you assume. But it baffles me that you don’t understad that not everyone that labels themselves as one thing you don’t agree on is “fucked up”.
I’m offering a rope, many people have taken it and have thanked me. So no, I have no intention of stopping.
You don’t have to touch the rope, you don’t have to even look at it.
But for some reason you are here looking at it scorning it, and you interpret the fact that the rope exists for some people as an implication that anyone who doesn’t reach out for it is “fucked up," which I have never remotely suggested, that came from inside you, my only implication is that you have a greater capacity for change and elasticity in your brain than labels are letting you believe. You do with that what you will.
Then please reframe your approach, accept that introverts exist and stop invalidating us. You say “There’s no such thing as introverts” and that’s not the way to go about offering help, it’s harmful, you generalize and I’m not the only one that interpreted it that way.
That’s what I’m trying to get across.
Thanks I’m cured! All my anxieties and masking and difficulties socializing from overstimulation have gone away because of your uninformed happy thoughts. Why didn’t I try that before?!
Try what? What exactly do you think I’m saying?
edit: If you’re happy with how you are, then there’s no problem.
Why would I wanna change? I’m happy as an introvert, know that I have a limited energy in social settings and there is nothing wrong with that or need change. What are you on about?
There isn’t any issue if you’re happy and no need to do anything. I feel like that should be pretty self-evident.
You’re insisting that the frameworks some people use to understand the world are all made up (to be fair you aren’t entirely wrong). But the power of positive thinking bullshit is peddled by every grifter and their mother and is often the stick used by people who aren’t willing to acknowledge that depression isn’t all in your head.
It’s akin to saying, just go for a run and you’ll feel better. You may be right, but you are completely neglecting that medication is also useful possibly above and beyond a nice jog.
People can better themselves, but this particular category of argument ignores a lot of realities for people that need more than a pep talk.
Also, introvert and extravert are nice short hand terms for “probabilistically, I gain or lose energy from the average social outing”.
I’m not prescribing platitudes and positive thinking, I’m saying if you think you’re an introvert and you’re unhappy with it, you can change with practice and work. It’s hard work and you fall down a lot but you can have a very different lifestyle with far more opportunities to meet people, have relationships and get recognized in your career or study.
The problem I am outlining is that many people think this is outside of their capability because they are “An Introvert™” and that’s just a word, not a diagnosis of a disease.
When there’s a label for everything, people tend to fit themselves to the label.