If it’s my D&D group: I can go 7 hours.
If it’s mandatory fun at the office: 10 minutes and I’m drained.
I’m an immigrant in Germany and began learning German at eighteen. I’m C2 and getting my masters in German language instruction, but I still feel so exhausted after interacting in German for long periods of time. I’m also generally an introvert, so it’s draining in multiple ways. I know it’s just that I need more experience and there’s no real helping it, but it really kills my mood sometimes. I work as a salesperson/barista at a bakery, teach classes, and interact with all my friends in German, but my husband speaks perfect English and it’s such a relief to be able to talk to him in English at home.
I will go ahead and reap the anger and hate of the sheltered Lemmy masses here, but there’s no such thing as “being” an introvert or “being” an extrovert. They’re not engrained personality types or conditions, they’re descriptions of where people are on a spectrum of social energy, and that spectrum is not a science, it’s not an actual “thing” that’s fixed or solid. These are just descriptors of feelings and circumstances.
Some people who identify as “extroverts” will get massively drained and bored in a social situation that they’re not having fun with or engaged with, and some “introverts” will find they can’t get enough of being with the people who stimulate them and make them feel engaged. Everyone has an energy level for different kinds of socialization, there are no real rules here. Throw away those “23 signs you’re an introvert!” website personality tests because they are harming your self-image and potential opportunities.
Why am I setting myself up for lots of “BUT YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ANYTHING” replies?
Because I have known too many people who are miserable and alone and keep telling others (and themselves) that they are an “introvert” and thus precluded from going out and exercising their social muscles and meeting new people. Really what most people mean when they say they’re an introvert is that they’re socially awkward or inexperienced or that their current social group doesn’t stimulate them.
Meanwhile, I went from non-verbal as a young person to a leader in business and community organizer with far more opportunities than peers who are still hiding in discord. This wasn’t achieved because I was secretly a super-chad who didn’t know I secretly had a huge extrovert generator hidden under my hood, it was by deliberate effort and repeated, embarrassing failures and exercising muscles I didn’t know I had. Volunteering to plan events, then volunteering to HOST events, then taking on roles that put in contact with more and more people, and learning social cues and emotional intelligence. Getting out of my own head took work.
You CAN do this kind of work, even if you’re completely repulsed by other people but lonely, even if you’re on the autistic spectrum, even if you’re completely down at the bottom of a cynicism and isolation hole. This is a problem that is growing among younger men and women alike who tend to retreat to online spaces and adopt avoidant personalities and end up deeply lonely and depressed.
We’re social creatures, we survived hardships for millions of years in our past by creating community and connection. We’re so deeply wired to connect with others that we suffer and can even die without talk, touch and emotional connection. Don’t isolate yourselves, exercise ALL your muscles regularly.
(I’m not going to debate this because that tends to make you double-down internally, I rather you get mad and digest this internally, accountability for change always lay with you and only you, you have more power for change and growth than you’ve let yourself believe. I probably won’t answer most replies, and if you just got mad and didn’t read any of this, I’ll block too. Also, if you’re happy and don’t want change, why are you replying?)
even if you’re completely repulsed by other people but lonely, even if you’re on the autistic spectrum, even if you’re completely down at the bottom of a cynicism and isolation hole.
This is not the same as being an introvert. (Which is a thing)
Some people facing some of these issues could perhaps use the term introvert to describe or justify themselves or their behaviours, but it doesn’t mean they are correct.
I don’t care about the specific qualities of the labels, I’m talking to and about people calling themselves introverts who are miserable and lonely and think that they can’t change.
TL;DR of the above for anyone else: Socializing is a muscle which can and should be exercised.
Which I actually wholeheartedly agree with. I had a similar experience to you, though not as extreme. I had maybe one friend, didn’t talk to people, considered myself an introvert, basically the typical person you’re talking about. Then I met someone who taught me how to exercise that muscle, and encouraged me to meet other people. Took some time, but I went from having one friend, to having over a dozen. And I’m capable of actually talking to people I don’t know now, instead of clamming up and getting anxious, most of the time. Barring certain physical or mental disabilities, I always try to encourage my introvert friends to talk to others more, as much as it’s a horribly embarrassing, awkward, and especially draining experience at first.
This all being said, you sound like a douche. Especially with that last paragraph. Chill, my dude. Don’t immediately assume you’re gonna be under attack. There’s hardly enough people on this site to spam you with replies anyways.
yeah, that’s me at this very moment. Having the time of my life at this lan party but something inside me just snaps and I’m suddenly tired
Art style looks AI but concept is definitely human
ai doesn’t have a “style”
It does. Developers train the AI on specific sets of images and cluster the outputs under categorically headings.
The end result is these pre-fabbed cookie cutter appearance to AI output. Even before you notice the surplus of fingers or weird melty background elements, an experienced eye will catch orientation and framing and composition that all look the same.
There’s not enough time.
I’m an introvert but I’m fine in parties for hours, usually.
A few years back, we were at a wedding where I had previously met only the bride, while my wife knew a bunch of people. She was off talking to people, and I just drained within two hours. Ended up waiting for her in the hall outside the room.
I’m an introvert
I get a lot of heat for this, but I like to remind people that there isn’t really “such thing” as an “introvert.” I am on a doomed crusade to get people to stop labeling themselves as such.
You’re a normal person who doesn’t like some types of socializing or gets exhausted easier from some kinds of interaction. A huge percentage of people are going to get burned out by social situations they’re not engaged with or having a good time with. There’s a reason you see groups of bored, tired looking people hanging around outside of receptions.
And what about people who feel exhausted by every type of social interaction? Because that’s my experience. I’m not saying it cannot change over time, but labels can still be useful. When someone describes themselves as an introvert, nobody assumes they are drained by every single interaction. People generally understand it as a way of describing how someone responds to strangers or groups, rather than how they respond to all interaction.
There is nothing wrong with that. A label can help someone express a pattern they recognise in themselves without believing they are trapped by it. It is simply a way of communicating how they tend to feel in certain situations. Many people adopt mindsets that feel natural or comfortable without assuming those mindsets define them forever.
I get a lot of heat for this, but I like to remind people that there isn’t really “such thing” as an “introvert.”
You should get heat for that. It’s not merely factually incorrect, it’s dangerous, harmful misinformation. Neurodiversity exists. Learn to live with others who don’t think, feel, or function the way you do.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33548763/
ELI5
https://www.sciencealert.com/the-science-of-introverts-vs-extrovertsActually introversion/extroversion is the only personality trait for which we have hard, physiological evidence. Introverts and extroverts use different chemical pathways in the brain.
Introverts have longer dopamine pathways and high cortical arousal, lending to getting too stimulated.
Even the way blood flows in the brain during tasks is different. In introverts, it tends more toward the frontal cortex while in extroverts it flows more toward sensory pathways (sight, sound, touch). Confirmed via fMRI studies.
Yes. And we call that kind of person an “introvert”.
I know the idea makes you feel uncomfortable, but I promise you are capable of so much more than you’ve been led to believe by society, culture and peers and even your own mind.
Thanks I’m cured! All my anxieties and masking and difficulties socializing from overstimulation have gone away because of your uninformed happy thoughts. Why didn’t I try that before?!
Try what? What exactly do you think I’m saying?
edit: If you’re happy with how you are, then there’s no problem.
You’re insisting that the frameworks some people use to understand the world are all made up (to be fair you aren’t entirely wrong). But the power of positive thinking bullshit is peddled by every grifter and their mother and is often the stick used by people who aren’t willing to acknowledge that depression isn’t all in your head.
It’s akin to saying, just go for a run and you’ll feel better. You may be right, but you are completely neglecting that medication is also useful possibly above and beyond a nice jog.
People can better themselves, but this particular category of argument ignores a lot of realities for people that need more than a pep talk.
Also, introvert and extravert are nice short hand terms for “probabilistically, I gain or lose energy from the average social outing”.
I’m not prescribing platitudes and positive thinking, I’m saying if you think you’re an introvert and you’re unhappy with it, you can change with practice and work. It’s hard work and you fall down a lot but you can have a very different lifestyle with far more opportunities to meet people, have relationships and get recognized in your career or study.
The problem I am outlining is that many people think this is outside of their capability because they are “An Introvert™” and that’s just a word, not a diagnosis of a disease.
