Many of us have heard the deprecating characterizations of many countries. Like Putin described the UK as an “insignificant little Island”, and Russia has been characterized as a “mob run gas station” or Trump calling El Salvador, Haiti and African countries as “shithole countries”.
Let’s flip things around for a bit of fun. After a heavy night of drinking with your country’s head of tourism, you have one shot to give your best self-depricating characterization of your country for a new border sign.
I’ll go first:
Welcome to Canada - Enjoy world class sexual assault in sport – Come and play!
“Explored the world for spices but decided we didn’t like any of them.” is the usual one.
“A nation of Baldricks and Blackadders” might also work.
Need some help guessing where ish.
The UK (or Britain).
A bit of land next to the US, filled with Americans. It’s uninhabitable enough they never bothered to formally occupy it, and so unimportant it even made any enemies.
The first sentence, there, is rage bait for Canadians. The second part is more for international audiences. Both are like 80% true.
We are responsible for the most public holidays globally: they’re all independence from us days.
u wot m8
Thank you for your service.
One that always stuck with me…
"It was a frozen, hostile, wasteland. And there was much work to be done, if we were to survive the elements. After boring a hole through the ice to find food. My good friend Mantook and I, would build an Igloo to protect ourselves from polar bears and flying hockey pucks. Then we would drink a lot of beer, and when Mantook was ready, he would tell me the story of the Great Moose, who said to the little squirrel ‘Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat.” - Jim Carrey
Welcome to the UK a lot of things are our fault but we won’t apologise.
That’s why the Canadians are kept in the commonwealth, right?
Netherlands - capitalist water germans
Welcome to America: get the fuck out, immigrant scum
It’s took me half my life to understand my history. Being Lakota, outside of living in the Dakota’s made it very difficult. I am often considered white and I don’t understand it. I don’t have long hair so that makes me white? But the truth is that my ancestors were the hardest against the immigrant. The Indian Wars of the late 1800s were fought by the grandfathers of my grandparents. That’s only a couple generations. My mother’s grandmother was witness to Wounded Knee.
The lesson learned is that you can not stop people from migration. Our people were the greatest warriors who followed the Bison as they migrated. We had the biggest tribal territory of all the American Indians.
It doesn’t matter if you have an army of the baddest mother fuckers who ever fought… The desperate will to be will always win. Yeah there’s still a lot of people on the Rez that will try to get you to leave but it’s an accepted truth that we’re never going to have our land back to the way it was. We will always have to accept that the white man is a constant presence. Many of us have loved ones and family members that are not native.
But if you go to the Rez, they will almost always welcome you. They will show you the hospitality. The truth is accepting that people are not going to respect boarders when pushed. We should all learn to just accept that and stop trying to fight it. The empires of old made these lines and we don’t have to go along with it.
Let’s instead try to find a way to deal with it, together. So many people. All of us, the people. The words we as Lakota use to describe ourselves is always in it core, a phrase that means The People. The world is big enough for us all. Our world is rich enough to support us all if we resist hate and bigotry.
The ultra rich are the ones trying to exclude. They are the enemies trying to hoard all the resources. The last thing some foreign people looking for salvation want is your destruction. The history of brave people who walked into Indian territory and made peace with the people is amazing.
There’s a story in my family about a Scottish lady who somehow found herself in the tribe during the early 1800s. She was always the Scottish lady but she was so loved that we all know who she is.
This is the way. We just have to open our hearts and minds to accept it.
All Men are created equal, well not you, or you, or you over there, and definitely not her.
All men are created equal*
^* terms and conditions may apply^
It’s cheating, but one word: Trump
In all seriousness:
Welcome to America! Land of School Shooters and Prayers Only Afterwards!
Closed for repairs until Jan 2028.
A bit optimistic to think the repairs will be done by then, ain’t it?
The scaffolding will never be removed again… like every building in NYC.
God Bless America. …someday.
Welcome to ?: Closed for repairs until Jan 2028.
Almost certainly the US.
Welcome to Czech Republic - get totally wasted for cheap (parental control recommended for children under 10)
I’m sold. I’ll be there soon.
Good luck finding us on a world map. We’re famous for two things: an adaptation of a British guy’s books, and constantly trying to convince people that we do not want to fuck sheep while one of our banks goes and makes an ad campaign with a sheep that the internet decides is sexy.
Hey, don’t sell yourselves short… you’ve got the Haka and Flight of the Concords too
Welcome to New Zealand, just off the coast of best sporting nation in the world
I kneel, this is excellent ragebait.
A sheep named Buck, no less. Careful not to typo it!
I can’t fathom the design meetings and nobody bringing this up.
Incidentally, I moved to Auckland at the beginning of 2026, and I was startled by how many maps I started to see that didn’t include New Zealand. There’s an episode of Bluey where it seems intentional–they’re doing a world map puzzle, and while Australia is there, they leave off the bottom-right puzzle piece that would’ve included NZ.
I don’t know if that’s slogany enough for a “welcome to” sign. Also feel free to mention the country.
Also you remind me of a self deprecating joke a guy from Wales and Malta told me some time ago: How do you know a guy is from Malta? He’s shagging a sheep. How do you know the sheep is from Wales? She pushes back while his hands are behind his head.
I wasn’t sure what country until you mentioned the bank. I heard about that all the way over here in Canada :)
Canada - Europe without the culture
We’re basically just diet America
Québec tries (albeit aggressively) but the rest of Canada tells them to stop with “we don’t do that here”
For some reason this comment made me think of this scene from Canadian Bacon
Welcome to the United States: BRING MONEY or you are dead to us.
I’ve described western australia as basically texas but drunker.
My dad always called the us “the land of bilk and money”.
Welcome to (Western) Australia - drunker than Texas.
Works on a sign. Good work. I’ll go visit.
Texas - The One Star State.
Nice. I had a colleague call it the Purple Star State.
NSFW explanation.
Norway - we’re better than you.
