Return it to Pepsi.
I discover the crashed F35 in my lone walk in the woods. As I start to take it apart for parts, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Lockheed. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the feds come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of FBI. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Lockheed to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care, I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the F35
question why in the hell I am in South Carolina?
That is a very good question. Next question please.
You were visiting south of the border.
Great BBQ. Those rednecks do NOT fuck around with a pork shoulder. Charleston has really great food. Also, the hunley museum is pretty cool.
Otherwise, it’s great if you also happen to be into book burning, or if you’re a completionist collecting STDs.
Same, I live nowhere near the place
Considering it is apparently a federal offense to tamper with aviation debris or accident scenes (assuming the plane looks intact) absolutely nothing, call local cops, they call AF.
Oh boy, aren’t you the life of the party
Trade it in for a boatload of pepsi points.
Call the number on one of the “Plane missing! Have you seen me? ✈️ ✈️ ✈️” posters the Air Force put up all over the neighborhood.
turns up with weirdly f35 fighter jet shaped stomach. No, officer! I have never seen any jet, none at all! Nope, not a single tasty fighter jet around here! hic
Don’t let the officer hear you call him a hick. He’ll shoot you.
Was looking for a sound, oops.
Its on the light poles with the lost cat.
Claim 10% finders fee and retire.
Announce an auction for the location on the War Thunder forums
Hotbox the cockpit. And this would only be the 2nd time I hotboxed the cockpit of a fighterjet.
Assuming I could figure out how to turn that thing on, I would definitely:
- Take off
- Go to maximum velocity
- Burn out all the fuel
- Acknowledge that I have no idea of where or how to land
- Look for the button to the ejection seat
- Glide down towards the equator
- Eyeball the necessary altitude
- Push the button
- Pull the parachute cord
- Flip both the birds
- Land on a beach
- Walk up to the bar
- Ask for a beer
- Run from the bill
Minor detail, the original pilot left it via the ejector seat…
I’ll bring a lawn chair then.
This one doesn’t have an ejection seat, remember?
take off
Knew you meant it as a joke but i thought it interesting to share that Fighters don’t have a simple “start” button, here’s a F-16 startup sequence for reference.
Most of that isn’t involved in actually starting the plane.
They are things that would be good to have done to fly safely. Something analogous to turning on and tuning the radio in a car. You can absolutely start the engine and drive the car without doing that.
Good thing I’ve watched that video, twice then!
Sit in the cockpit and make plane, missile, and machine gun noises since I don’t even know how to turn one on let alone fly it.
Pretty sure this one comes without a seat, and the aftermarket prices are ridiculius!
Just a reminder, the last guy to fly it took the seat with him.
Since it tricked the pilot into ejecting, I assume it’s gone feral and is still buzzing around looking for a mate. If I didn’t have a big net to snag it in, I’d have to build a wooden decoy or perhaps just leave a paddling pool full of jet fuel out in a clearing. I’d keep my distance at first and try to gain it’s trust.
Assuming no consequences, I’d love to open various panels and try and figure out what does what. It’d be really cool to see inside one of those.
Aaaaand this is how you get suspected of being a Chinese spy.
I said no consequences…
get as far away as possible, the smoldering wreckage will be full of toxic gasses and contaminants
