What a waste of money and resources
Normalize mailing Texas lawmakers 7 dildos.
Nooo. That’s what they want you to do.
It’s been their whole plan all along!
Of course it’s possible to own more than 6 assault rifles, right?
Only if you compromise and get the assault rifles without dildo attachments. Unacceptable to me, that’s why I don’t live in Texas.
Not if you get the wrong type of pleasure out of those rifles I guess…
Does Texas employ door-to-door dildo inspectors?
Is there a state office of dildo regulations, wieghts, and measures?
In Texas, owning more dildos than guns is a crime. Probably.
They probably have some that are dual purpose.
What are they going to do next? Make registry of dildos? Have a dildo buyback program? Regulate the length and girth?
Home inspections would trigger lots of backlash. This will just regulate physical stores because the lawmakers are boomers. Also you can’t have a massively-multi-dildo display at home if you expect snitches to come over.
Maybe they’ll use this as an excuse to monitor people’s online activity and/or mail. What if you’re buying dildos? Also lathes and 3D printers might become popular among sex shops for on-demand production. Invest!
Certainly color…
Everything’s s dildo if you are brave enough.
What if they’re dildo shaped guns? Would Texas ever dare to ban those?
what is not fair is that all texans have at least one dildo as long as elon resides there.
The very people that come up with these pearl clutch laws are the same people who also want to legalize marrying 12 year olds. But won’t anyone think of the children, PLEASE!
And scream about “parents rights”
that’s a funny way to spell child brides.
Does my double-ended dildo count as one or two? Does size matter? Does a tarzan with bunny ears count as one or two? Does my hand count? How about a cucumber?
So many questions.
At this rate they’ll need to define and standardize what constitutes a dildo so they can ban the right things. At what length is a dildo dangerously concealable? Do fully vibromatic dildos need to be more strictly controlled? Is a cucumber a dildo, or an AOP (Any Other Phallus)? Should doctor’s offices hold dildo buybacks?
I will personally develop a toy that juuuuuust skirts the edges of their definitions called a dildon’t. I see a glorious market in my future.
Ghost dildos?
who cares, ill send people more double ended dildos to fight against the law!
Will there be an official Office of Dildo Inspections? With Dildo Inspectors making rounds, carefully checking every household for staying within their allotted number of items? Will the billboards aside the vast highways advertise the government hotline for anonymous reporting of infractions?
And if not, well, they’re clearly cowards. If you’re going to pass a law like that, you have to go all the way!
Seriously though, I sometimes wonder how this period of time will be described in history books 50 years from now.
A Texas jobs program! You too can have a bright future as a state dildo inspector!
“So, what are you in for?”
“Seventh dildo.”
This was one of the laws broken in Half As Interesting’s “Crime Spree,” which became the pilot of their series “Jet Lag: The Game.”
If you have Nebula, it’s worth a watch.
Finally found a quest I’m absolutely sure my D&D group has NEVER played before.
Always love how republicans and conservatives are constantly so preoccupied with sex, sex, sex all the time and in ever more imaginative and obscure ways.
I now associate their religious beliefs to sex, Jesus, sex, guns, sex, the American flag and sex.
Did you say “Jesus sex”?
Is this the second cumming?
It wasn’t the first temptation of Christ, and it sure as hell won’t be the last.
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WT ACTUAL F did I just see
That guy was called Longinus. His lance is legendary I hear
Biggus Dickus is next in line.
Jesus Fucking Christ … literary!
Jesus is coming…. grab a towel.
Not healthy sex - fucked up power-games sex.
… so S&M and BDSM? … the power of the Lord, with a ball strap to your mouth.
It can’t be, because BDSM is too consensual for them
Consent is the cornerstone of BDSM and ideally any kind of power exchange is discussed beforehand and freely agreed upon by all parties involved.
Oh good … what’s the safe word in Texas then?
Hold yer horses
I think they mean the “You want the job, but not the dick? That’s not how this works.” kind of sex.
“The government needs to stay out of people’s lives! Unless it’s the private activities of people I find icky, then they should control the hell out of them!”
Modern conservative mentality … “Everyone should suffer and be sacrificed for my benefit, in this life and the next!”
… actually, it’s always been like that,
Genital Obsessed Party
“Compromises the innocence of children”???
Unless you are incredibly liberal parents, children don’t even know what the fuck those are until they’re old enough to recognize it as anything more than just a “tube”. By the time they grasp the idea that it’s something sexual, they’re old enough to handle that knowledge.
“smaller government” apparently just means few dildos for the inspector to have to count.
Republicans have long wanted a government small enough to fit inside a vagina.
Enterprising Texan pervert invents a dual-function gun-dildo that is constitutionally exempt from sex toy laws.
Pump action shotgun dildo
I have seen some interesting sawzalls online…
Even better would be a pump action shot gun dildo in the shape of a cross with a beautiful carved image of Christ on the cross on top of the shot gun.
I know it’s not what you described but it reminded me of this:
…Jesus Christ
Dildo H Christ
That looks like a Pez dispenser … but I don’t think it dispenses candy
A gun made entirely out of weed. Why hasn’t this been done before!
Cheech and Chong were on the right track with their weed van.
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