When i first heard the news, it felt surreal. But when that passed, i felt nothing.
I don’t really know what to do or feel. I saw her only a few days ago, and that was the first time i have saw her in years. She barely talked, she had alzheimers. She didn’t remember anyone. I remember as a child, seeing her handicapped but still able to have conversation and conscious.
I only have a few memories of her. It’s so vague, since those were when i was 6 or something. The only clear memory is of her yelling at me as a child. Or maybe not her, my memory is unreliable.
Half an hour later, it sunk in. She’s dead. I will never see her again. Just… I don’t know. I’m so confused. I’m a little teary eyed but the rest is just static. What of it? What do i expect to gain from this post? I don’t know. I just wanted to tell someone. I just feel like shit.
You must log in or register to comment.
Everybody processes grief differently. Don’t let others tell you how to mourn.
Thank you
I’m sorry for your loss.
I had a similar experience, my grandmother went through brain surgery when I was young and after had severe dimentia for the rest of her life. My memories of her are split into a before and after category and honestly it is really hard to comprehend how I felt when she passed, especially whe it was so hard to remember the “her” memories after so long. I loved her a lot.
There’s no wrong way to feel, take your time and make sure you process things in your own way. And thank you for sharing, hopefully this community can help you with any support you need.
Thank you. The realization is hitting me hard right now. It’s 5AM so it makes it even more surreal, this was so unexpected from me.
I don’t know what tomorrow will really look like, to be honest. I guess everything will go back to normal? I’ll laugh, or smile as if she isn’t dead? Those few days from before are overwhelming now. I saw her years later, just before she died. Her state saddened me. Dementia/alzheimers is cruel.
I guess i’ll be staying off of lemmy for now? Rest assured, i will recover. But these few days are blurry for me. Maybe i will, maybe i will not. I guess we’ll see.
Again, thank you. This all means a lot to me.
Hello.
My nan passed with dementia a few years ago too. I felt for my dad at the time but after visiting her and her not recognising me, not recognising my dad, basically living and suffering for nothing, it was pretty neutral when she did die.
I didn’t miss the old lady in a chair pointed at a TV that kept her conscious. I missed my nan who’d always sneak us biscuits (cookies) and insisted I was handsome from 0 years old to 30 years old. But she’d been gone a long time. I think my dad had hope she’d snap out of it. My hope is that I never see him like that. And that me losing things is my ADHD, not a precursor.
Thank you. I’m afraid of that too, for my grandparents.
Best of luck, I am sorry, it’s always tough.
I’ll keep you in my thoughts
Thank you. ❤
My upvote means I feel for you and I don’t have much to add. Hugs from afar.
Thank you. It still means something to me.
I’m so sorry for your loss. 🫂 Grief comes in waves, the stages of grief aren’t linear or sequential. Give yourself plenty of time to rest, heal, and process.
Thank you :') the funeral is over now, i’m just so tired.
Hey buddy, sorry for your loss.
Just by way of reassurance, I think what you are feeling is very normal in this sort of situation and your experience is very relatable to me.
Thank you, that’s why i love you guys and all of dbzer0 so much :') It means a lot.
Very sorry for your loss, friend. Agreed with the other reply that said there is no wrong way to feel. Grief and loss are complicated things. I lost my grandma a couple years ago and I remember feeling nothing when I first heard the news and then while watching TV with my wife I suddenly broke down crying out of nowhere. Ten minutes later I was cracking up on the phone with my mom reminiscing. It’s a complex and messy process, but it’s worth letting yourself feel everything through it.
My sincerest condolences!
Thank you, and i’m sorry to hear about your grandma. If i lost a grandparent of mine, i would lose my mind. I love them all more than anything, and i’m not sure if i would recover from it. It’s still inevitable, though. That’s life.
I have a similar problem with death. I tend to disassociate and make jokes and people mistake it as not caring. Sometimes it just goes away and I never experience the grief; other times, a year or two later it’ll smack me out of nowhere.
I get that feeling when an old event hits you in the gut lol. I tend to make jokes like that too, but not this early.
It will take some time for your mind and body to level with the change. Be gentle with yourself. Soon this new reality will feel normal, and you will be OK again. I promise.
Hang in there, much love.
Thank you. I’ll recover, but it’s 5am and i just wanted to vent.
Ill light a candle for her tonight.
Thank you, you have no idea how much that means to me.
I am so sorry for your loss. I’ve lost a few people in my time, and it hits different every time.
When my mom went I didn’t even cry (and hated myself for it for a while), it felt inevitable but also kind of a shock - like someone who gets shot but keeps running because they haven’t felt it yet. It hit me a month later like a ton of bricks. My dad was different, I was the one who had to make the call to take him off of life support, but I know it’s what he wanted, so I kind of got the initial stages of grief ahead of time. Then a few years later I lost my best friend of more than 25 years who I had roomed with for like 15, and it just fucking wiped me out then and there. I heard him fall and by the time I got out of bed and got to him all that was left was the sound of his last breath escaping. But worse still, I then had to call his mother. The sound that woman made when I told her that her last living child was dead (his brother had killed himself a few years prior) just tore it out of me. We sat on my front porch smoking and crying our damned eyes out until the sun came up.
You’re going to feel like shit for a while. That’s just love. That will never go away and you don’t want it to, but it will get easier to carry. If you need someone to talk to please do not hesitate to DM me.
Thank you, that’s what i’m afraid of too. And i’m sorry for your everything that happened to you. It’s a constant in life, and an ugly one at that.
Thanks.
I’m doing alright though. It’s a weight I will always carry, but I’m pretty comfortable with it at this point. I hope things go better for you.
Alzheimer’s can result in pre-mourning, since most of the person’s personality can be gone long before they die. It can result in a particularly strange mourning process. It sucks.
Sorry for your loss.
I remember they had to tell her who each of us are, it was sad. And thank you.
My condolences, we can only take it one day at a time
I have a grandfather I’m afraid of losing. He is the last person holding my extended family together. Once he’s gone there won’t be any big family gatherings ever again, and I may never see many of these people ever again.
It was Christmas, Halloween, and the 4th of July, birthdays, anniversaries, Super Bowl parties and such where it wouldn’t be uncommon to have over 100 people at grandpa’s house
I’ve already heard my uncles warring over who is going to get the house after grandpa’s gone and ain’t nobody going to be showing up for their parties
It will be a sad end to an era
I’m afraid of losing my grandparents too. And thank you. Wish you the best.
Death is big. You only really grasp it in pieces at a time. And honestly, if you spend too long contemplating the meaning of death, you actually start to get physically uncomfortable.
All of life is progressively getting to know death better and better, until you know it on a personal level. Try to fit some fun, good times, and happiness between all that. Maybe some fulfillment, pride, and Ideally love too.
Acknowledge death, fear death, and respect death… but try not to dwell on death, there is a reason every religion has their own fun idea of what death is. It’s pretty much the main point of religion, to make death less scary, and easier to think about. If you prefer that, and can get yourself to believe a religion instead of the truth, I very much encourage it. Just make sure to also follow the one simple rule above all else: “Don’t be a jerk”.
Sorry for your loss. I’ve had a few close family die recently. Don’t think you have to understand it right now. You don’t need to seek out your grief, it’ll come up and bite your ass sometime. You’re not a bad person because you’re not in tears right now. It doesn’t make it better if you cry for the next six weeks. Carry the persons memory with you and take it out and look it over sometimes. It might make you cry, it might make you laugh, I think the important thing is it makes you remember.
Good luck!
Thank you. I don’t remember too much anymore, but i’ll try to keep it with me.
