I’m an introvert but I’m fine in parties for hours, usually.
A few years back, we were at a wedding where I had previously met only the bride, while my wife knew a bunch of people. She was off talking to people, and I just drained within two hours. Ended up waiting for her in the hall outside the room.
I get a lot of heat for this, but I like to remind people that there isn’t really “such thing” as an “introvert.” I am on a doomed crusade to get people to stop labeling themselves as such.
You’re a normal person who doesn’t like some types of socializing or gets exhausted easier from some kinds of interaction. A huge percentage of people are going to get burned out by social situations they’re not engaged with or having a good time with. There’s a reason you see groups of bored, tired looking people hanging around outside of receptions.
And what about people who feel exhausted by every type of social interaction? Because that’s my experience. I’m not saying it cannot change over time, but labels can still be useful. When someone describes themselves as an introvert, nobody assumes they are drained by every single interaction. People generally understand it as a way of describing how someone responds to strangers or groups, rather than how they respond to all interaction.
There is nothing wrong with that. A label can help someone express a pattern they recognise in themselves without believing they are trapped by it. It is simply a way of communicating how they tend to feel in certain situations. Many people adopt mindsets that feel natural or comfortable without assuming those mindsets define them forever.
And what about people who feel exhausted by every type of social interaction? Because that’s my experience.
That is literally what I’m talking about. That feeling is a muscle, it can be exercised and changed.
IF YOU WANT IT.
This is where people lose their minds when I do this ill-fated game. I don’t care if you’re fine.
But a lot of people are not fine, they cling to the label to avoid change because comfortable patterns are going to be what your rationalizations default to before it will rationalize doing something really uncomfortable like even going to therapy, much less going out and meeting new people and pretending to be social long enough that you get stronger at it. This is where the label, and all the “personality profile” horoscope bullshit online does real damage to young people who need to be exercising their brains.
If you’re fine, it’s fine. But a lot of people are not fine. The trends isolation and avoidance of each other is causing real harm to a lot of people.
I get a lot of heat for this, but I like to remind people that there isn’t really “such thing” as an “introvert.”
You should get heat for that. It’s not merely factually incorrect, it’s dangerous, harmful misinformation. Neurodiversity exists. Learn to live with others who don’t think, feel, or function the way you do.
Actually introversion/extroversion is the only personality trait for which we have hard, physiological evidence. Introverts and extroverts use different chemical pathways in the brain.
Introverts have longer dopamine pathways and high cortical arousal, lending to getting too stimulated.
Even the way blood flows in the brain during tasks is different. In introverts, it tends more toward the frontal cortex while in extroverts it flows more toward sensory pathways (sight, sound, touch). Confirmed via fMRI studies.
That’s some fantastic examples of clinging to labels which I am speaking against. As someone who managed to stop feeling the need to be isolated, stopped feeling social anxiety and social exhaustion as rapidly, I know quite a lot about the work it takes to change, and how you look back and realize that it’s not mature or helpful to use these kinds of labels to describe yourself or anyone else.
I know the idea makes you feel uncomfortable, but I promise you are capable of so much more than you’ve been led to believe by society, culture and peers and even your own mind.
This may seem shocking to you, but some of us are okay being introverts, you know? It’s not something negative. Society values other types of personality more, that’s a fact, but I’m fine the way I am.
I often come off as rude or abrasive because I assume people are smart enough to understand that on this topic, I am specifically talking about if you have a problem or you’re unhappy, so I don’t drop a wall of qualifiers.
And I still won’t drop a wall of qualifiers because in my 25 years of having this conversation more often than not, the people who respond that they’re fine and happy usually aren’t and wish that they could make some kind of changes to their life, which is why they felt the need to respond that they’re fine despite obviously not being the target of the message.
What you actually mean when you say ‘I assume people are smart enough’ is ‘I expect people to make the same assumptions as me’. People come from very different contexts. You can either drop that wall of qualifiers and be understood by most, or skip it and only have a few get your point. It sounds like you know why you’re being misinterpreted and, for whatever reason, want to keep it that way.
The qualifiers give people a bridge to escape, a way to say “No, that’s not me, I know my situation and my feelings, and despite being sad like 90% of the time, in this once instance I am the exception to the rule and don’t have to do shit to feel better.”
So yah, I rather make people mad and get them to reply “whaa that’s not me, you don’t know what you’re talking about” because that is action, that is something that forces people to think about why the message makes them mad, and if they get hit with that enough, they often think about it more and can change. The fervor to pile on and say “you don’t understand me” just tells me it’s working. Because it takes an almost subconscious obtuse rejection of a broad, not-targeted message to lash out at it. We need to understand this behavior in ourselves as well.
I’m glad you worked and improved yourself, but quit trying to “fix” other people. I’m not even mad as you assume. But it baffles me that you don’t understad that not everyone that labels themselves as one thing you don’t agree on is “fucked up”.
Thanks I’m cured! All my anxieties and masking and difficulties socializing from overstimulation have gone away because of your uninformed happy thoughts. Why didn’t I try that before?!
Why would I wanna change? I’m happy as an introvert, know that I have a limited energy in social settings and there is nothing wrong with that or need change. What are you on about?
You’re insisting that the frameworks some people use to understand the world are all made up (to be fair you aren’t entirely wrong). But the power of positive thinking bullshit is peddled by every grifter and their mother and is often the stick used by people who aren’t willing to acknowledge that depression isn’t all in your head.
It’s akin to saying, just go for a run and you’ll feel better. You may be right, but you are completely neglecting that medication is also useful possibly above and beyond a nice jog.
People can better themselves, but this particular category of argument ignores a lot of realities for people that need more than a pep talk.
Also, introvert and extravert are nice short hand terms for “probabilistically, I gain or lose energy from the average social outing”.
I’m not prescribing platitudes and positive thinking, I’m saying if you think you’re an introvert and you’re unhappy with it, you can change with practice and work. It’s hard work and you fall down a lot but you can have a very different lifestyle with far more opportunities to meet people, have relationships and get recognized in your career or study.
The problem I am outlining is that many people think this is outside of their capability because they are “An Introvert™” and that’s just a word, not a diagnosis of a disease.
I’m an introvert but I’m fine in parties for hours, usually.
A few years back, we were at a wedding where I had previously met only the bride, while my wife knew a bunch of people. She was off talking to people, and I just drained within two hours. Ended up waiting for her in the hall outside the room.
I get a lot of heat for this, but I like to remind people that there isn’t really “such thing” as an “introvert.” I am on a doomed crusade to get people to stop labeling themselves as such.
You’re a normal person who doesn’t like some types of socializing or gets exhausted easier from some kinds of interaction. A huge percentage of people are going to get burned out by social situations they’re not engaged with or having a good time with. There’s a reason you see groups of bored, tired looking people hanging around outside of receptions.
And what about people who feel exhausted by every type of social interaction? Because that’s my experience. I’m not saying it cannot change over time, but labels can still be useful. When someone describes themselves as an introvert, nobody assumes they are drained by every single interaction. People generally understand it as a way of describing how someone responds to strangers or groups, rather than how they respond to all interaction.
There is nothing wrong with that. A label can help someone express a pattern they recognise in themselves without believing they are trapped by it. It is simply a way of communicating how they tend to feel in certain situations. Many people adopt mindsets that feel natural or comfortable without assuming those mindsets define them forever.
That is literally what I’m talking about. That feeling is a muscle, it can be exercised and changed.
IF YOU WANT IT.
This is where people lose their minds when I do this ill-fated game. I don’t care if you’re fine.
But a lot of people are not fine, they cling to the label to avoid change because comfortable patterns are going to be what your rationalizations default to before it will rationalize doing something really uncomfortable like even going to therapy, much less going out and meeting new people and pretending to be social long enough that you get stronger at it. This is where the label, and all the “personality profile” horoscope bullshit online does real damage to young people who need to be exercising their brains.
If you’re fine, it’s fine. But a lot of people are not fine. The trends isolation and avoidance of each other is causing real harm to a lot of people.
You should get heat for that. It’s not merely factually incorrect, it’s dangerous, harmful misinformation. Neurodiversity exists. Learn to live with others who don’t think, feel, or function the way you do.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33548763/
https://psyforu.com/the-science-of-introversion-how-brain-chemistry-shapes-our-social-preferences/?amp=1
ELI5
https://www.sciencealert.com/the-science-of-introverts-vs-extroverts
Actually introversion/extroversion is the only personality trait for which we have hard, physiological evidence. Introverts and extroverts use different chemical pathways in the brain.
Introverts have longer dopamine pathways and high cortical arousal, lending to getting too stimulated.
Even the way blood flows in the brain during tasks is different. In introverts, it tends more toward the frontal cortex while in extroverts it flows more toward sensory pathways (sight, sound, touch). Confirmed via fMRI studies.
This is something non-introverts say. I promise if you fit the label you’d understand its usefulness.
That’s some fantastic examples of clinging to labels which I am speaking against. As someone who managed to stop feeling the need to be isolated, stopped feeling social anxiety and social exhaustion as rapidly, I know quite a lot about the work it takes to change, and how you look back and realize that it’s not mature or helpful to use these kinds of labels to describe yourself or anyone else.
Yes. And we call that kind of person an “introvert”.
I know the idea makes you feel uncomfortable, but I promise you are capable of so much more than you’ve been led to believe by society, culture and peers and even your own mind.
This may seem shocking to you, but some of us are okay being introverts, you know? It’s not something negative. Society values other types of personality more, that’s a fact, but I’m fine the way I am.
I often come off as rude or abrasive because I assume people are smart enough to understand that on this topic, I am specifically talking about if you have a problem or you’re unhappy, so I don’t drop a wall of qualifiers.
And I still won’t drop a wall of qualifiers because in my 25 years of having this conversation more often than not, the people who respond that they’re fine and happy usually aren’t and wish that they could make some kind of changes to their life, which is why they felt the need to respond that they’re fine despite obviously not being the target of the message.
What you actually mean when you say ‘I assume people are smart enough’ is ‘I expect people to make the same assumptions as me’. People come from very different contexts. You can either drop that wall of qualifiers and be understood by most, or skip it and only have a few get your point. It sounds like you know why you’re being misinterpreted and, for whatever reason, want to keep it that way.
The qualifiers give people a bridge to escape, a way to say “No, that’s not me, I know my situation and my feelings, and despite being sad like 90% of the time, in this once instance I am the exception to the rule and don’t have to do shit to feel better.”
So yah, I rather make people mad and get them to reply “whaa that’s not me, you don’t know what you’re talking about” because that is action, that is something that forces people to think about why the message makes them mad, and if they get hit with that enough, they often think about it more and can change. The fervor to pile on and say “you don’t understand me” just tells me it’s working. Because it takes an almost subconscious obtuse rejection of a broad, not-targeted message to lash out at it. We need to understand this behavior in ourselves as well.
I’m glad you worked and improved yourself, but quit trying to “fix” other people. I’m not even mad as you assume. But it baffles me that you don’t understad that not everyone that labels themselves as one thing you don’t agree on is “fucked up”.
Thanks I’m cured! All my anxieties and masking and difficulties socializing from overstimulation have gone away because of your uninformed happy thoughts. Why didn’t I try that before?!
Try what? What exactly do you think I’m saying?
edit: If you’re happy with how you are, then there’s no problem.
Why would I wanna change? I’m happy as an introvert, know that I have a limited energy in social settings and there is nothing wrong with that or need change. What are you on about?
There isn’t any issue if you’re happy and no need to do anything. I feel like that should be pretty self-evident.
You’re insisting that the frameworks some people use to understand the world are all made up (to be fair you aren’t entirely wrong). But the power of positive thinking bullshit is peddled by every grifter and their mother and is often the stick used by people who aren’t willing to acknowledge that depression isn’t all in your head.
It’s akin to saying, just go for a run and you’ll feel better. You may be right, but you are completely neglecting that medication is also useful possibly above and beyond a nice jog.
People can better themselves, but this particular category of argument ignores a lot of realities for people that need more than a pep talk.
Also, introvert and extravert are nice short hand terms for “probabilistically, I gain or lose energy from the average social outing”.
I’m not prescribing platitudes and positive thinking, I’m saying if you think you’re an introvert and you’re unhappy with it, you can change with practice and work. It’s hard work and you fall down a lot but you can have a very different lifestyle with far more opportunities to meet people, have relationships and get recognized in your career or study.
The problem I am outlining is that many people think this is outside of their capability because they are “An Introvert™” and that’s just a word, not a diagnosis of a disease.
When there’s a label for everything, people tend to fit themselves to the label.