Next time your therapist asks about your relationship with your mother, I think “she is in the room right now and refuses to leave while I talk to you about her” is a pretty good place to start.

If she hears you saying that and gets upset, that’s also important for your therapist to know.

Like… before y’all yell “narcissist”… I do genuinely think there is a part of her that “cares” about me… but I feel like its a kinda twisted and weird way of “love”…

I’m not going to diagnose her, because all I know about her is from your post and the one comment. What I will say, though, is just because someone seems to care about someone, doesn’t mean that they’re not a narcissist. Narcissists will often make it so their actions seem caring, and that is specifically part of what they use to hook you.

Take my example - I was abused by a narcissist for a year or so. One of the things she did was to worry about my alcohol consumption. Seems like a genuine caring thing to do, alcoholism can be a serious problem. I like to party, but I’m not an alcoholic and never have been. But here’s the thing: partying is usually when I saw my friends, and those friends were worried about what was happening to me. They didn’t know the ins and outs of emotional abuse, but they knew that something was off, and they knew my abuser was up to no good. Of course, my abuser didn’t want me to realize what was going on, so that was a way of getting me to have less contact with those friends (she also “worried” that they were the wrong crowd to hang out with). And I generally believed that she was genuinely concerned, albeit misguided - due to all the manipulation, there was no way in hell that I would believe it wasn’t genuine concern. And I believed it for a hell of a long time. It was kind of a catch 22 - how could I possibly accuse her of having ulterior motives if she’s doing so much for me, even if it is misguided? And because I wouldn’t dare accuse her of having ulterior motives, I contributed to believe that she was actually doing things for me, making me more emotionally attached. It took me three months after I was out of that situation to realize that maybe she wasn’t doing all these things out of the misguided goodness of her heart, and that maybe there was some other reason. And then, things started to click. In a horrifying fashion.

Let’s come back to your situation. You had mentioned that it is a matter of control, which is spot on. Let’s take that a bit further: as you alluded to, it means you can’t talk honestly about the relationship with your mother. That seems to be something you want to do, and rightly so. What could the consequences be if you take to your therapist about that relationship? Well you could come to the realization that the relationship is toxic, or abusive. That realization is the first step to getting out of a toxic or abusive relationship, and that is in all likelihood something your mother wants to avoid at all costs. So, essentially, being there when that topic comes up could be a way to nip it at the bud.

I’m not saying that she is a narcissist. What I am saying is that it’s in your best interest to not discount that possibility all that quickly, especially since your reason for discounting it is typical for people who are experiencing narcissistic abuse but haven’t come to terms with it yet. Take your time, and try to stay open minded, even if it is very difficult in that kind of a situation (and definitely try to find a way to speak with your therapist without your mother around, you are absolutely on the right track with that).

I’m happy to hear that you have a therapist.

It sounds strange that the therapist didn’t suggest for the parent to leave before asking about the relationship. Very proud of you for asking your mum to leave when the topic came up!

If you manage to speak to them alone, you could tell them that you are having issues with boundaries with your parents and you need their help to make sure your therapy can be made safe and with kept confidentiality so you can speak freely. Then you can figure out together how that can be implemented - maybe by having every other session be private, ot by having the therapist ask your mother to leave for like 30 min every session.

You need privacy to figure out who you are and where to find your own strength and courage without your family.

Good luck!

I don’t have any advice, but wish you luck and hope you make progress.

Yeah she is overbearing it sounds like. The “perfect” thing would be to explain to her that there is topics you need to be alone with your therapist for. Of course it sounds like you don’t have the energy to do that, and your mom also might not understand.

What I’m trying to say that whole thing is not normal and both your mom and your therapist should be more professional and understanding of this.

I’m sorry you have to deal with all of this, but it will definitely get better. And of course all the things you feel make total sense given the situation you are finding yourself in.

I see why you’re in therapy. Good luck.

Go outside and run walk skate swim. It sounds cliche butbprolonged physical movement will help a lot more than just drugs will.