We don’t care. We know why they come and we welcome them. Bring your straight male friends. Bring your bachelorette parties - they can become annoying but we know what happens when you finally feel safe and uninhibited. And at the same time, there are economic rules at play. We go to find other gay men for various objectives. If it becomes difficult to find them or if the market feels saturated with women and straight men, we will go to a different space where there are fewer women and straight men and we will feel some amount of annoyance that we had to do so.
I think: actual straight people don’t exist, only self hating people who cling desperately to an imagined blood tribe.
That being said, don’t proselytize your ways in other people’s places of love that do you no harm. I think of it like a church: you do you, I’ll do these people :)
I think: actual straight people don’t exist, only self hating people who cling desperately to an imagined blood tribe.
Honestly, this is absurd. I’ve been on this Earth for over 50 years, I am a man, and I’ve never felt attracted to a man. I am straight. I exist. I don’t hate myself, I also don’t hate others for their sexuality. Let gay folks be gay, let lesbians be lesbians, let bisexuals be bisexual. I fully support trans folks. I am not against anything LGBT+. But I don’t fit any of those labels. I am a man, and I am only attracted to women. I don’t even understand how/why straight/bi women are attracted to men. I’m glad they are though.
You could offer me a billion dollars to fuck a man, and I just would not be able to do it. No man is making my dick hard. My sexual identity is just as valid as yours. Gay people exist. Bisexual people exist. Straight people exist. You can’t tell me I don’t exist. I am attracted to women exclusively. To be clear, that includes trans women, some of those women are really beautiful. Trans women are women.
The dance bar in my old city used to get overrun by bachelorette parties, women disrespecting the space and its purpose, disrespecting patrons, etc. So they made a rule that you couldn’t do bachelorette parties there anymore. Ultimately it was a good rule. I have nothing against a girl and her friend going out for a drink at a gay bar. I do have issues with them getting blitzed and walking around, trying to hang on the half naked guys, trying to be the “star” of the night, that kind of thing.
Straight women visiting gay bars are fine. Bachelorette parties using gay bars as props are not fine
Unsure. I’d say “intruders”. If I go to a gay place, it’s not to become a token to a straight person, be they men or women, it’s to get the f away from them. My safe place is not a zoo for straights who can find us cute or exotic, it’s a place where I can finally just be me. Or, they need to make sure that we are welcome in straight bars as well. Else, just GTFO of my safe place.
If they go to a gay bar for safety, then it’s another story.
To sum it up : “Let’s go to the gay bar for fun” = GTFO.
“Let’s go to the gay bar because I’m afraid straight men will harrass/assault/rape me” = “Come in”.
“Let’s go to the gay bar because I’m questionning my sexual orientation and would like to meet gay women” = “Come in”.
On that last bit, even if you arent gay or questionning, remember that you are in a gay bar and you might get hit on by someone who assumes you are gay. Dont be offended, take it as a compliment, be straightforward, and move on.
What about “let’s go to a gay bar because one or more friends in the group is gay, but not everyone is, and we want to have a great time together AND let our friends be themselves in a safe space”?
…thirty years ago “fag hag” was a common pejorative for groupies; not sure whether that’s still the case…
Also “fruit fly”.
never heard that one.
My band of mostly straight men (like a dozen years ago) played a set at a gay bar every Thursday night for a year or so. It was great fun first of all, and maybe 15-20% of the people there were straight or mostly straight but just hung out there.
It felt really fun and welcoming to all, and was less about gay people finding other gay people than it was about no one caring much about your gender identity or sexuality (unless it was maybe to take you home, idk).
That’s not to say it’s one size fits all, probably depends on the bar and the area a fair bit
I do think of gay bars as spaces SAFE for gay people, not exclusive to us.
So as long as I’m a good boy, I’m okay to be there?
I’m not going there on purpose, but I managed to stumble into bars a couple of times without noticing it at first. I finished my drink and went on as I didn’t want to offend anyone as the foreign object invading.
Pretty much like this, yeah, but it was all men.
This was me in a foreign city one time. Walked into a random bar by myself, had a few drinks. In retrospect i think it was a gay bar, but i had no idea.
Nobody cares.
When I was younger gay bars were always the pre-drink bars.
It’s not like they’re all you can eat buffets where everyone is down, it’s just a place where gay people feel comfortable approaching people they’re attracted to.
So by being there, the only thing you’re agreeing to, is not to freak out if a guy hits on you. It’s a very low bar to clear.
Probably because that’s what they are supposed to be?
That being said, as a straight man who’s been to a lot of gay bars all over, I know more people (regardless of gender) who were drugged at gay bars than people (again, regardless of gender) who were drugged in “straight bars”.
Like, it depends on your definition of “safe” I guess, and obviously the individual bar. All it takes is one douchebag to make anywhere unsafe.
You probably just meant “gay bars are a safe place to be openly (whatever sexuality you are)”.
Which is true.
I’ve never seen any gay bar discriminate against straight people tho, the absolute closest would be they treat hot women as normal people. And especially for young attractive women that could come off as discrimination. Because they don’t realize how much preferential treatment they get at straight bars, and that it’s all based on their physical looks.
I once got told off for being at a gay bar by an older lesbian couple. They said “our kind didn’t belong there” after they saw me dancing with my (just-out-of-the-closet) male friend and I guess assumed we were straight 🤷.
I understand they get annoyed when straight people just come to their parties because it is fun, because it is supposed to be a safe space and a space where you go to look for other gay people. At the same time, I wanted to be supportive of my friend and continue going to parties together.
Those people are just as pathetic as homophobes.
Similar, granted…however homophobes didn’t go thru societal level hatred before finding a safe space
Yet! There’s still time to change that.
Heterophobes
Nah, fuck those old bigots.
Nobody gets a pass on that shit. And people likely to say that shit are likely to say it about other groups they don’t belong to as well.
What’s my opinion about women going somewhere where they know they’ll be safe, you mean?
Lesbians and bisexual men rape people too.
At a much lower rate
Where’d you find stats?
I couldn’t.
Like, obviously by total number. But that’s because there’s a lot more straight people.
Anecdotally back in my bar hopping days, people were getting dosed at gay bars way more than straight bars. Mostly straight male friends, but once it was it was a woman in our friend group.
Pretty sure it’s because she drank her BFs drink that night tho, that dude was a weirdly a magnet for it.
But I think it’s important that person was just saying it happens there too.
Like, the people who do this are dirtbags, if women are going to gay bars to feel safe, they’re gonna go to gay bars and do this too. Because when people feel safe, they let their guard down.
Just because a bar owner designated their bar as gay, doesn’t mean they have date rapist radar installed.
People should be aware that nowhere isn100% safe and you still need to be aware.
So imagine a bowl of skittles…
Yeah… OP reaks of being pissed that some girls have figured out a safe space and he’s too straight to go to a gay bar.
I’m happy these girls have found a safe space, I’m sad they had to find a safe space.
I’m gay. Bachelorette parties “taking over” gay bars and then SA gay men because “you’re gay so you don’t care if I grab your butt” is annoying AF. Objectify gay men in our safe spaces is unacceptable.
My apologies, I made a poor assumption.
That kind of behavior should result in being ejected from any (every) establishment.
You’re exactly right: your safe space must be kept safe.
I mean, have the bar kick them out because they’re groping people?
I’ve been groped by gay men in straight bars, I never said gay men shouldn’t be allowed there. I never even tried to have any kicked out, just said I wasn’t interested.
If you told them that and they kept doing it, you should have had them kicked out because even if they stopped doing it to you, they’d likely do it to someone else.
But loads of places don’t let in obvious bachelor or bachelorette parties, that seems like a more level headed path.
As someone in a city with a population of ~250k and only one gay bar: Hard dislike, if you aren’t in company of actual queer folks (or do outnumber them massively). I get that especially straight women see it as a safe place - but where there are straight women straight men usually follow - and at some point they outnumber us. And now I do not feel welcome at the only gay bar in town - it is most of the time essentially a bar with some queer decoration. Some gay bars in the next bigger city do not allow women for this exact reason. Others enforce it via kinky attire dress code (e.g. leather, rubber, lycra, puppys, etc.) - but that can be anhoying when you don’t have a specific kink for that dress code and this may not have the required outfit.
I don’t care, as long as they don’t bring their BS with them and try to hit on gay men. I am thinking of the typical “instagram women”.
I don’t care?
They’re free to do whatever they want. Besides, why would they care about my opinion?
