It’s okay to cut all ties with anyone.

Hit the gym, you’ll discover a good hobby earlier.

Though knowing myself and my past. There isn’t anything i could say that would have any effect. Younger me wouldn’t believe, listen or trust anything i would say.

The hand you were dealt was bullshit

None of this is normal, and there’s nothing wrong with you.

The reason you don’t know what you want is because you already have everything you need.

Do not listen to anybody’s career advice on anything.

Just keep drawing.

Probably that all the things I felt were in fact not normal and there’s no shame in trying therapy or asking for accommodations.

Definitely would have been good for my academic career.

Not that things turned out bad for me, I followed my heart and it led to a good place. But I lost a few years and relationships to anxiety and depression that I could have fully lived.

It’a never as urgent and stressfull as your brain tells you. Relax! And do some stupid shit instead of learning all the time.

It’s okay if you kill him. Everyone will understand and forgive you because of what he is doing. and You’re right. You’re a girl, kid.

Estrogen will make it so you don’t want to kill yourself and actually enjoy life.

It’s OK to feel like a woman born in the wrong body. Please talk to people about it, they can help.

You’re not inherently bad, you were just raised Catholic and your autism hasn’t been diagnosed. You don’t display your feelings the same as others and you’ve had guilt about everything shoved down your throat to the point that you’ve internalized it.

Also, raise your dating standards. Someday you’ll marry someone who loves you so much, they’re happy to make you potatoes every day. Stop wasting time with people who don’t even like you. It’s contagious.

Also, don’t worry about your career. It’s such a twisting path, there’s nothing to prepare for in that sense. Maybe learn a little bit more about history and geography though.

I’d tell myself to prioritize my hobbies over partying. Be serious about the music and join a band. Move to a bigger city.

~ You’re not selfish or invalid for feeling sorry for yourself. Rather you’re dealing with abuse and trauma, and feeling sad and angry and overwhelmed are all appropriate. You were dealt a broken-flush hand of a childhood.

~ You’re not just odd, but you’re spectrum AF. Only you’re not going to get an actual diagnosis until around 50 years. But you’re always going to find it difficult to relate to other people. This factors into why.

~ You are also low-T and this may factor into your depression. It almost certainly factors into your lack of sense of gender. Sadly you’ll be nearly 60 when you discover that this has been a lifelong issue which could have been treated if detected sooner.

~ It gets better after you encounter your found family. Then you’ll be isolated from them and develop another found family with your wife and her kin. But that won’t last. Then as civilization starts collapsing, you’ll be isolated again and it’s going to suck. Feeling that it all sucks is valid. Finding new friends and family is going to be a challenge in your senior years. (After COVID-19 and the rise of social media, no-one gets together in person anymore.)

~ Your romantic partners are going to leave you. The temptation is to presume that you’re broken, that you screwed up. Rather, everyone is broken in their own way, and holding each other together is a part of love relationships. Break-ups happen between good people when they drift over time and become incompatible. Don’t blame yourself (or them).

It’s going to get a lot worse, but then it gets better for a while.