I pretty much just sat at my desk, spaced out, and disassociated through most of grade school. In first grade I got detention for having a snowball fight, except I never did fight, and I was just picking up the snow to eat it (I was obsessed with eating snow as a kid). I was so confused and after that I felt like I couldn’t play or engage with anything, so I began to disengage as well.
It’s only recently that I’ve realized disassociating and disengaging have made me very lonely and are no longer helpful to me and I’ve started trying to put more effort into socializing, but I’m also not that great at it.
It feels sometimes like I have the need to socialize but not the desire or the drive, and often if one little thing goes wrong I feel like shit
Like if one had no drive to eat food, and a variety of allergies
There are several peer-reviewed studies that show neurotypicals rate even just the TRANSCRIPT of autistic people’s speech as 30% less favorable across all social classes and segments.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5286449/
And worst of all: the subjects couldn’t even tell why they did it, they literally hate us instinctively.
No the transcript was the only one where the results between the ASD and NT groups were within error margin
See figure 1
You fucks are making me think I’m autistic
You have your $HOME as your username
Yes
Based
Pineapplelover? You like swings for a whole other reason im sure
Buddy, it’s perfectly normal to meticulously memorize facts about every brand and model of swing set. I wouldn’t worry about it.
All the other swingers out here keep approaching me, but all i want is to do a tier list the best tire dimensions for these.
“Why aren’t you out playing sports???”
I heard it many times.
It got better as you figured out how to mask. But it never got all the way better because you didn’t know why you had to act differently than you felt.
I always knew why. Everyone else was usually a dumb ass or too immature.
Too real, I always felt and still feel like I’m wearing a mask. And one i don’t particularly want. I always felt like I was on the outside among everyone, like I was there but unable to connect. I don’t even try anymore
My primary school had bolted some tractor tyres on their sides to springs and placed them in the play area.
They were nice and warm in the sunshine so I would curl up inside them and rest.
I was somewhat of a loner.
We had them too but they were full of redback spiders
What stopping you from enjoying your break with them? /s
This sounds so nice, I want to go there right now.
Also as the undiagnosed suicidally depressed kid.
You had swings?!
eventually i just read in a bathroom stall until i heard them coming in and slipped back into the flow
At school? How about now?
Whilst online meme-posting is rarely enough to stave off loneliness if you don’t have access to an understanding community in real life, I hope that you are able to find some solidarity and comfort in online communities like this one.
Because yeah, you’re right that many of us still are still tremendously isolated. It sucks.
It was a lot better when they opened up a PC club and I could start installing Linux on things.
I relate a bit too strongly to that :D
Sadly no computer club for me at school, but soooo much fun at home
It was a good place to escape from the bullying as they wouldn’t go into the computer room.
I just sat under tree. Just waiting. My God i hated the waiting.
Hey, btw did that one random kid who showed up and tried to be friends with you help? I have an autistic sister and knew other autistic kids as well growing up and i always tried to include everyone in my recess activities and friend group so nobody would feel left out. Hope others also had friends like this or were the friends themselves. At least i know i made some peoples days better. Its a long road to get people to tolerate each other but a worthwhile one.
This is where having a twin worked for me. Until they fucking split us up like assholes! (It helped though, at least for me. I had a friend in elementary)
Fully
