Always remember that Microsoft literally means small and limp.

Delta

Don’t Expect Luggage To Arrive

-or-

Doesn’t Ever Leave The Airport

Electronic Farts

Cockstar Games

Ubibad (pronounced You Be Bad)

Micro$haft (pre-MicroSlop era)

Nintendon’t (thank you, SEGA)

Jizzard-Gotnovision

Microslop, microcrap, goo-gle

Home cheapo (home depot) Hazzard fraught (hobo freight) Clown fair (town fair) Found on road dead (Ford) Bonus: what do u call a f150 with a dual exhaust? A wheelbarrow with heated grips. Fix it again tony (fiat) Just empty every pocket (jeep) Hanafartz (hannafords)

Jimmy Johns: similar to Pei Wei & PF Chang’s, there is a fancier, more expensive version of the restaurant named James Jonathan.

Fiat: Fix It Again Tony 🤌🏻🤌🏻

Google: it used to be an in joke with my friends to say “giggle it” instead of google it. Now we don’t use google of course…

Best Buy: Worst Buy

Target: it is pronounced “tar-jay” because it is the fancy version of Walmart

711 was a part time job!

I will never respect Facebook’s attempted rebranding, especially not a rebranding based on the name of their hilariously failed product.

facebook is facebook. instagram is facebook. whatsapp is facebook.

Whenever my grandmother talks about United Parcel Service, she always says “ups”, one syllable, instead of U-P-S like most people do.

Lately though, whenever she gets a package that arrives damaged, she calls them “Oops”.

Whenever I’d encounter 18-wheelers out on the road, everyone has the usual jokes about Swift. Sure Wish I’d Finished Training, Stevie Wonder’s Institute For Trucking, etc. but there’s jokes for every large trucking company.

TMC: Turtles Moving Cargo

Prime Inc: Please Remember, I’m Missouri Educated

CRST: Crash 'n Roll Stunt Team

U.S. Express becomes Useless Express in my head. The list goes on.

Idiots Become Managers

Broadcum

But I’ve also just seen IBM and broadcom be used a verb for price hikes or rug pulls.

Samsung –> Samsucks

PlayStation –> PayStation (Not a company name, but relevant enough)

Edit: more names I came up with (I don’t use all of these but they are reserved in case I have to):

Roblox –> Blowblox

Discord –> Disscord

Apple –> Crapple

McDonald’s –> FakeDonald’s

Dunkin –> Bunkin

Sam’s Club –> Scam’s Club

Warmart

Everybody in Canada knows, “Crappy Tire”.

My family calls Au Bon Pain “House of Pain”. We also say Pantera Bread and Dimmu Burger (for Burger King).

Walmart = Wally world Target = tarj mahal

BMW: Bring Moms Wallet