President Donald Trump signed an executive order Thursday afternoon to change the name of Lake Ontario to “Lake America,” his latest escalation as he engages in a tense trade war with Canada.

“‘Lake of America’ was something I’ve been thinking about for a long time,” Trump said from the Oval Office. “We have a gulf and we have a lake. Now, all we need is an ocean. So, maybe we’ll have to change the name of the Atlantic and/or the Pacific. Maybe we’ll change them both.”

Surrounded by large maps of the Great Lakes, Trump said the name change was “effective immediately,” and that his staff had “filed all the necessary papers, documents, everything else.” A White House aide claimed the lake “has most of its volume in the United States” and that the “deepest parts” are in US territory.

  • kromem@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    You all laugh, but think for a moment about the poor cattle rancher currently sitting on the toilet with his lettuce diarrhea, worried about the pending foreclosure of all he has and when the ivermectin is finally going to kick in for little Billy Jr’s case of measles.

    But then upon his porcelain throne he sees his dear leader with the courage and genius to redraw the name of the lake he didn’t remember existed from its communist foreign name to a name he knows and can remember, because it’s the name of where he lives and also two of his daughters.

    And finally, for the first time since Obama’s shadow government made him wear a mask in 2020 for the hoax pandemic that doctors claimed killed his elderly parents but everyone knew was just a flu and also engineered by Fauci for maximum damage — he knows.

    He knows it’s going to be okay.

    That when Billy Jr beats this made-up measles thing and little America One and America Too and the whole family loses the ranch, that they can go to the Lake that is now their heritage by the only name they need to learn it.

    And then he’ll float, staring up into the heavens, finally at peace secure in the knowledge that at long last the greatest President since Jesus is cradling his heart and interests in his diminutive bruised hands, exhausted from all the renaming of water.

    • Fredselfish@lemmy.world
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      7 days ago

      Was explaining the propaganda of that Great to be an American song to my son. He never heard it so pulled up the music video. I had never seen it just heard the song. But the video was just that. The man singing how great America is even has he is losing everything and becoming homeless. Pretty fuck up.

      • IamSparticles@lemmy.zip
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        7 days ago

        Every time that song comes up I like to point out that they guy who wrote it, Lee Greenwood, is a complete hack that has never done anything else noteworthy and has been living off the royalties ever since. He even re-wrote the lyrics, badly, to make a Canadian version to try and squeeze more cash out of that cow of a song.

  • comrade_twisty@feddit.org
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    7 days ago

    Fun fact:

    The mnemonic for the Great Lakes will also change from H-O-M-E-S to S-H-A-M-E, if you replace the O for Ontario with an A for America.

    • A_norny_mousse@piefed.zip
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      7 days ago

      It isn’t even binding for Americans. He still doesn’t have the power to do that. It’s binding for his admin and some public institutions only. And he can bully some into obedience.

      I’m sure google maps will be among the first to kiss his ass again. (or suck dick, whichever you prefer. verbally, I mean) Without any prodding.

      • ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de
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        7 days ago

        Then how come when I zoom out on Google maps I can see the gulf of America?

        Does it still show as gulf of Mexico when you’re outside the US?

        • A_norny_mousse@piefed.zip
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          7 days ago

          Then how come when I zoom out on Google maps I can see the gulf of America?

          Like I said, sucking Trump’s dick.

          Does it still show as gulf of Mexico when you’re outside the US?

          I don’t use google maps, but Openstreetmap: yes, and only that.

        • teslekova@lemmy.ml
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          6 days ago

          Mate. Mate. Of course it shows as Gulf of Mexico if you’re outside the US. Because that is its name. We’re not into your country’s weird fantasies, unless troops show up and we have to pretend.

    • bartleby1@lemmy.ml
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      7 days ago

      I really hope so but I just checked Apple and Google Maps and they both say “Gulf of Mexico (Gulf of America)” and I’m not even in the states… these stupid tech giants have no backbone

      OpenStreetMap remains unchanged 😎

      • Pixel_Jock_17@piefed.ca
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        7 days ago

        Who’s the dev on this one? Ive never heard this recommendation before in the degoogle subs. Is it the “OsmAnd”?

        Also, google maps in Canada still shows Lake Ontario and if it changes I’ll be floored.

      • hash@slrpnk.net
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        7 days ago

        Not completely unchanged. Someone briefly changed the name before other editors restored it and moved Lake America to the official_name:en-US tag. That’s been OSM’s way of not quite placating people insisting on the name change.

  • mrmisses@lemmy.world
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    7 days ago

    “‘Lake of America’ was something I’ve been thinking about for a long time,"

    Yeah sure you were, pedo

  • Zier@fedia.io
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    Worlds stupidest man and notorious con man changes name of lake, while still managing to escape charges of child trafficking.

  • catsarebadpeople@sh.itjust.works
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    6 days ago

    This is bait. Where are the Epstein Files? Why are we still in a failed elective war with Iran? Why are we having to use buy now, pay later for groceries? Renaming a lake is a distraction.

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      The Epstein Files will not be released. Too many Democrats, for one.

      Also, the problem is not Dump, but citizens like the ones here, except for some like you, who allow themselves to be manipulated and baited in all his smoke screens.

    • FatVegan@leminal.space
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      6 days ago

      Meh, they have their own weird measurement system that no one understands. Let them use their own names for places and things and furtger alienate from the reat of tge world because they follow a senile racist pedo

    • Maeve@kbin.earth
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      They are an alphabet and genocidal Zionist and surveillance agency. Going along with it is the least of their crimes against humanity.

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    7 days ago

    Over 77 million Americans voted for this. They looked at Donald god damned Trump and said, “yeah, that’s my guy.” TWICE! Albeit it was non-consecutively, but I don’t know if that makes it better or worse.

    We live in a shit hole country, y’all. Shit-hole.

  • inb4_FoundTheVegan@lemmy.world
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    Dear leader says food and fuel is cheap! We love him!

    Dear leader says it’s gulf of amercia! We love him!

    Dear leaders trade war isn’t hurting farmers! We love him!

    Dear leader says it is Lake of America now! We love him!

    Dear leader says he isn’t a pedophile! We love him!

  • Random Dent@lemmy.ml
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    7 days ago

    “Making the Great Lakes Even Greater”

    Man, “Lake America Great Again” is right there. Fucking amateurs