Dating is fine. Alcoholism is tough.
Yup, dating didn’t make her drink. Also I wouldn’t want to date someone who can’t function without alcohol.
My only proper post-bar one night stand, we got to my place, and the girl pulled out of her purse the largest bottle of vodka seemingly imaginable. It was like some disturbing Mary Poppins shit and really was an appropriate harbinger of everything that followed.
Did she put it in your butthole?
No, that was a different girl, whole other thing. It just escalated quickly for a guy who isn’t super the taking girls home from the beeeest honky tonk in Utah type. It’d all sound made up, but it’s just how it accidentally happened. But I’m not divulging mostly because it’d probably be super vanilla to you freaks. (jk kind of)
Did she jump on top or just leave the lights on?
They did mention Utah, so probably took off the special underwear, jump humped, and then soaked in god’s loophole until morning.
Oh man soaking in god’s loophole after a night at the bar sounds like a great way to get shit on.
Primarily, she wanted me to fist her and spit in her mouth, which. .in some other context, FINE, maybe? Maybe after your name sticks in memory or like…maybe next time? Preferably still probably no? I just wanted sex, it’d been awhile, Jesus Christ. We already went to Denny’s. Idk you just had to be there. I don’t kiss and tell. I’m a gentleman.
You might not kiss and tell but you do fist and tell.
I politely declined.
Poor girl just wanted a fist in her twat she’s not asking for the world.
I basically did this once.
Except it wasn’t alcohol, it was molly.
The date was going poorly, because we were on different levels.
She said I was being egotistical, I apologised and told her I was ballin.
This was hilarious apparently, the date went smooth afterwards.
Nice, you were right, you were ballin.
Having a drink to calm the nerves is one thing, but spending several minutes taking shots of vodka before a date sounds like straight-up alcoholic behavior. Unless OP is greatly exaggerating, either she has a massive tolerance, or she would end up a drunken mess in front of her date, which would probably be much worse than a case of the nerves.
If I knew my date hand just taken five shots in short order the first thing I’d probably ask them is, “Can I call you a cab?”
What if you had also taken five shots in short order?
The plot thickens.
In that case I’d be too busy laughing at my own jokes to do anything useful.
I’m not a cab… YOUR A CAB… whatsh werz we tulking abit
Nerd!
/$
🤓 !
To be fair they said “5 minutes” but did not give a number of shots.
“s” implies at least 2, leaving some wiggle room that they where not accustomed to strong liquor and had trouble getting It down. 2 of them because they underestimate the effect of just one.
They also used the word “chug,” which is almost certainly an exaggeration to some degree, but it certainly implies more than two, IMO.
You don’t “pound” 2 shots. I feel like that’s a 4-5 shot minimum.
You don’t “pound” 2 shots. I feel like that’s a 4-5 shot minimum.
You don’t think I can pound two shots!?
Live your dreams
I’m pretty resistant to alcohol and numbing medications. I could do two double shots and just barely have the edge taken off.
Of course, I’d not even consider drinking to ease nerves, and there’s no f’ing way I’d be doing shots in my car; that’s a great way to get a DUI in most places.
Sounds very much like she was driven by a friend…
You’re not even supposed to have alcohol within arms reach. Technically they can pull you over for having it on the back seat although I’m not sure how they would notice that.
Not in Mississippi, it’s actually legal to drink while driving provided you’re under the limit.
Much worse for him.
So she loosened up on her own dime, and all I have to do now is convince a drunk girl I’m sexy? Sounds like I hit the lottery.
I, too, always keep an open bottle of vodka in my car, accessible from the driver’s seat. It’s just common sense.
So when the cops stop you, you can take a swig right in front of them. Then they can’t prove you were drunk before that and can’t give you a DUI
I like to take a shot every time I see a black car, gets me ready for work in the morning. Obviously I don’t drink and drive that would be dangerous, I wait until I’m traffic lights.
Of course! You dont want to be fumbling around god knows where for that shit! Its unsafe.
Exactly, that’s why I keep it right next to my loaded pistol and bag of oxy
It’s embarrassing when you go for a shot of vodka and end up with a pistol barrel in your mouth instead.
Classic Wednesday night.
I was going to make a pun about Russian roulette with vodka or a bullet, but I realized vodka or bullet would still just be Russian roulette.
Happens all. The. Time.
You can put it in a water bladder and strap it to the sun visor. Now you have a handy straw and then it’s as simple as taking a sip whenever you feel your vision go unblurry
The vast majority of accidents are caused by sober drivers. Thank you for doing your part to keep our roads safe!
A fifth of vodka, a loaded & unregistered pistol, a crack pipe, and a photo album of me walking by adorable dogs and not stopping to offer pets.
No meth pipe? No videos of you putting kittens in dumpsters? Fucking amateur
I know. I’m slacking off. My bad.
Pre gaming it is a must in today’s economy anyway. Sounds like she had a good idea but rolled a nat 1 in the execution.
Sort of reminds me of the time my friend fixed me up with a friend of his partner.
OK its not the same but we met up at a nice chinese restaurant in amsterdam and I immediately found my date very hot. We had chemistry right away! When the server came to take the drink order my date lean in close and whisper to my ear “only get a mixer” as she pressed two small bottles into my hand and then winked at me.
Turned out she is a flight attendant for klm and her purse was full of them!
Are you George Clooney from the 2009 comedy/romance Up in the Air?
Yes.
This is why we should normalize committing societal faux pas and crimes on dates! Sounds like it was an incredibly fun time
I have not been on too many first dates, but I usually try to find something moderately illegal to set the vibe.
Yeah, I mean, if they’re not into doing something a little out of the ordinary, how can you be compatible?
*the patter of seeds against stone*
“Yeah, they don’t let me feed birds at this park anymore”
Of course, gotta make sure you’re not with a square or a narc
Yeah it was a wild for certain!
When the server came to take the drink order my date lean in close and whisper to my ear “only get a mixer” as she pressed two small bottles into my hand and then winked at me.
Marriage Material
So, is your wife single or what?
Probably my closest real life example to this was I had a breakfast date, but I ended up getting pretty drunk at a party the night before and showed up still drunk :(
I felt like an ass.
We went on a few more dates but then she suddenly stopped texting me. She messaged me like 2 months later and said there was a death in her family and she was sorry, but we didn’t set up any dates after that.
That was a rollercoaster of a story with a disappointing end.
*dramatic
It was disappointing, I did really like her!
But it’s okay, I like my now wife more than I liked her.
You were the distraction, and that is ok
What do you mean?
Keeper/10
Seriously this is a “…and this is their 15th anniversary” kinda story
Women in movies: “Going to do a full blown date prep montage, complete with song and dance number, where I transform from mousy librarian to runway model over the course of 15 minutes. Come out cool as a cucumber and charming as a prince.”
Women in real life: “Going to throw on a top and some jeans, half watch a Netflix special about serial killers while I curl my hair, then down a mug of hard liquor to build up the courage to look a guy I’ve got a crush on straight in the eyes. Try to make it through dinner without mumbling, burping, or mentioning that I’m on my period.”
Absolutely love these “real life” women
Ok but if you’re nervous, presumably there’s an expectation that it might not go well…and then you’ll want to leave…in your car…while all that vodka seeps into your brain.
Someone who openly drinks while they’re sitting in the driver’s seat can get a DUI from that alone. They aren’t caring about driving drunk, I’d wager.
I’m not sure about every state, but as far as I know that would just constitute an open container. You would have to be over the legal limit with a breathalyzer or blood draw, or fail a roadside sobriety test to receive a DUI charge.
Again, every state/country is different
My date would be over if i saw that they are an alcoholic who drink and drive
Good luck getting laid in rural areas lol
She may have planned to cab back, it’s unclear from the story
That’s why she waited until arriving to drink? And then presumably the date lasts a few hours over which she sobers up?
Reminds me of a first date where I arrived at the bar to find her with her friend, polishing off their second pitcher of margarita. They showed up an hour early to get absolutely smashed. The server came over and gave me a look that screamed, “Run away and don’t look back.” It was a fun date, but a very short relationship.
Whats a bumble date?
Dating site for bees.
There’s a lot of buzz about it!
Dating app where women make the first move
It’s not even that anymore. They took away the one thing that made it unique.
Thats because one company owns okcupid, tinder, bumble, and plentyofish.
They probably own grindr too. 20 years ago these services all acted very differently. Today they’re basically the same app 4 times.
Bumble is the only one that isn’t part of Match Group
I don’t think it is actually part of their group.
The Match group ruined everything that made OKcupid what it was.
Seriously. It’s so, so sad. Multiple great dates and long-term partners through that site back in the day. It was the best. It rewarded a little effort to put yourself out there and get to know each other. Miss it.
This is so disappointing but not surprising.
Bumble still has a userbase looking for different things than on Tinder. At least my friends experience is more relationships, less one-nighters.
Tinder is frankly unusable now.
Women can still pay for the privilege
